Monday, April 09, 2007

Single and Celibate

See former child actresses Tia and Tamera Mowry fight their way through a discussion about celibacy/abstinence.

I am one of the few people on the planet who is celibate. This is mostly due to economic circumstance rather than a conscious choice. I have just not had many opportunities. I am not what women would consider "viable" as a mate.... since I do not earn much money, and I am still in development as a man (money being the primary measure for how men are rated by women). I didn't date until my 30's, and once I did I realized how much I hated it, and quickly stopped. I simply realized that I was not equipped for the task. I have become resigned to the fact that I will not reach "viability" until my 40's, when I have established some kind of meaningful career/income....and will therefore have more confidence on the dating scene.

But I have found celibacy to be a blessing in disguise. I have felt free. I am not tied down with relationship nonsense, not tied up with dating, and can spend more time on personal development. I have more time to go to school so that I can eventually get to where I need to be in life. (So that I CAN date with more confidence). Material things are not everything.... but I have learned how hard it is to even get a foot in the door & make a good first impression if you have nothing. The dating game (which I despise) is nothing but a shallow competition, especially between men. It's all about showing who has the most material status, and who could thus better support a family. Anyone who tells you that the dating game is anything other than this, is telling you a lie.

Over the past several years, we have been seeing feminism in reverse. It used to be that women wanted to work and be equal to men professionally, etc. That is still very much the case today, but there seems to be more women who want to be Housewives. There seems to be more women who want to marry into wealth (or at least comfort). Even women who are professionals and earn their own living want a man who is also a high wage earner. Therefore there has been a growing interest in men with good salaries. In fact, this is pretty much a pre-requisite if you want to have a wife/family.

So rather than toil, sweat and stress through all that, I chose to just wait it out. Once I am better positioned financially, navigating the dreaded dating scene will be easier to do.

So I see celibacy as more of a blessing.... because the freedom has been great. I don't have to deal with dating, I don't have to deal with chasing women, I don't have to deal with financial issues that couples deal with, I don't have to deal with STD's/Safe Sex, I don't have to deal with trying to impress anyone... (all things that I hate).

But I don't think this is possible for most people. Some people are not able to be alone....not even for a second. Some can't go without physical contact. To me, this is like a psychological prison cell that I am glad I am not confined in.

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