Monday, August 27, 2007
But This Blogger Is Not Threatened, and Feels That People Should Be Free to Be With Whomever They Choose Without Fear, Scorn or Guilt.
What is behind the fear?
This is a topic that I did not want to tackle just yet, but I wanted to respond to comments made by a blogger regarding interracial marriage.
A fellow African American blogger- who I will not name- stated on NPR earlier this month that Black women who chose to marry men of another race were in his words, “traitors”. He went on to challenge the “blackness” of his fellow NPR guest for his opposition to the statement.
I was shocked and a little embarrassed by the statements because, for one, they seemed to run contrary to other statements made by this blogger in the past…where he seemed to be open to the idea. I had been familiar with the writings of this particular blogger because I have allowed him to occasionally cross-post/co-blog on this site. I was a little disappointed by the comments because I was happy about his opportunity to be on the show…and didn’t want him to blow it. I also was hoping that the comments were a fluke.. But after the airing of the show, this blogger proceeded to attempt to defend his statements, which I thought were indefensible.
I actually found myself in agreement with the other guests on the show- James Collier, and LaShawn Barber (somewhat troubling, lol). Now I still have respect for this blogger, and I continue to read his blog. He is a very talented blogger. He is also still welcomed to post here… but there is no way that I can allow him to have a pass after I have criticized other bloggers on NPR’s News and Notes program who have made questionable statements. I will not post the episode of the NPR program here…and I don’t want it posted here… but I did want to bring the subject up.
The statements were dead wrong! People should be able to date and marry whomever they choose, regardless of ethnic, cultural, or religious differences. The blogger who made the comments does not represent me or this blog when he is expressing these sentiments. Although, he is entitled to his opinion.
I don’t think someone can be considered a traitor because of who they choose to have a relationship with. And I don’t even think that the concept of “traitor” is valid today. Interracial relationships are becoming a much bigger part of America. It is a reality that is not going away. The race traitor talk comes from a close-minded ideology that is well past its expiration date. People are moving past this way of thinking.
I think that Black women should feel free to date whoever they want, without guilt. There does seem to be a shortage of what they call “marriageable” Black men. Not a shortage of men per se… but a lack of those who meet their economic, educational, and social standards. Should they be expected to die alone, waiting on a Black man to sweep them off their feet? Of course not. Now I will say that some Black women seem to be demanding when it comes to the standards that a man has to reach before he is considered “marriageable”. But then again, this has become the norm for most women, regardless of race/ethnic background. I guess men have always been judged by the “marriageability” standard… income, career, ability to support a wife and family, etc etc. But in recent decades, it has become even more important.
And I also notice that Black women get upset about this as well, from the other side. In fact, Black women seem to have more of a problem with it than Black men. That would probably be because there are more Black Male/other couples than Black Female/other.
My Personal Perspective On Interracial Relationships
When I was in Middle School and High school, I always had a hard time identifying with Black popular culture. Although I had White friends, Black friends, & friends of various other different races, I always felt like I did not belong when I was around my Black peers. I always seemed to identify more with other groups. So I was in a dilemma. I didn’t feel like I was part of my own group, yet non-Black groups would never really accept me either. So I always felt like I really did not belong to any group.
And when it came to dealing with the opposite sex, I ran into the same problem. Most of the Black girls were always (literally) competing for the bad boys, thugs, gangbangers, jocks, the troublemakers, etc. I’m not saying that this was an issue that was exclusive to Black girls. Girls of other racial backgrounds also suffered from the Bad Boy disease. But it seemed to be more pronounced with the Black girls. If you were trying to do good in school, you were considered “uncool” & thus unattractive (according to the Black girls at least). Education seemed to be despised… Ironic considering that we were in school, lol. I also never had much in common with my Black female counterparts. I seemed to be more interested in the young ladies of other ethnic groups. But once again, there was the issue of race. I never knew how to talk to any of them and was always worried about not being accepted. So my High School dating life was non-existent. In Middle School, I went to dances alone. And later in High School, I avoided each and every one of these events. Although I did go to a regional academic tournament to represent my High School, but that wasn’t a social event… That was my government teachers idea for getting me to participate more in school activities.
Fast forward to adulthood, and I still deal with the same problems of identity. I didn’t date until very late. And I quickly realized how much I hated the ritual…. Which is why I didn’t date long. I am currently 3 years into a long intermission. But for the short time that I did date, most of those dates were interracial. I make no apologies. And when I start dating again, I expect to have several dates with women of other racial backgrounds. Now I would love to find a Black woman who fits what I want, but I’m not going to grow old waiting for her to magically land at my front door. Does that make me a race traitor? Is “traitor” talk even appropriate in today’s world? Is it obsolete? Was it ever appropriate?
Have you had an interracial dating experience? If not, would you consider one? If you have had an interracial dating experience, what was it like? For me, I just recall all the strange stares from people. I felt uncomfortable… but I don’t know if that was from the date, or from the stupid looks from people. That is something that I am going to have to get used to. I commend people who have to deal with this and who choose to endure it for years. I don’t know if I have the armor to deal with the reactions. As I mentioned, I’d much rather have a Black woman who fits what I want… but I can’t build myself an android. I have to wait for the real thing. But in the meantime… No limits. I like all of the varieties that are available.
And Black women…. Why do you get so upset about Black men dating out, especially in light of the fact that so many Black women are now doing the same?
Interracial Marriages Flourishing