Monday, August 27, 2007

Interracial Relationships - Still Threatening To Some


But This Blogger Is Not Threatened, and Feels That People Should Be Free to Be With Whomever They Choose Without Fear, Scorn or Guilt.

What is behind the fear?

This is a topic that I did not want to tackle just yet, but I wanted to respond to comments made by a blogger regarding interracial marriage.

A fellow African American blogger- who I will not name- stated on NPR earlier this month that Black women who chose to marry men of another race were in his words, “traitors”. He went on to challenge the “blackness” of his fellow NPR guest for his opposition to the statement.

I was shocked and a little embarrassed by the statements because, for one, they seemed to run contrary to other statements made by this blogger in the past…where he seemed to be open to the idea. I had been familiar with the writings of this particular blogger because I have allowed him to occasionally cross-post/co-blog on this site. I was a little disappointed by the comments because I was happy about his opportunity to be on the show…and didn’t want him to blow it. I also was hoping that the comments were a fluke.. But after the airing of the show, this blogger proceeded to attempt to defend his statements, which I thought were indefensible.

I actually found myself in agreement with the other guests on the show- James Collier, and LaShawn Barber (somewhat troubling, lol). Now I still have respect for this blogger, and I continue to read his blog. He is a very talented blogger. He is also still welcomed to post here… but there is no way that I can allow him to have a pass after I have criticized other bloggers on NPR’s News and Notes program who have made questionable statements. I will not post the episode of the NPR program here…and I don’t want it posted here… but I did want to bring the subject up.

The statements were dead wrong! People should be able to date and marry whomever they choose, regardless of ethnic, cultural, or religious differences. The blogger who made the comments does not represent me or this blog when he is expressing these sentiments. Although, he is entitled to his opinion.

I don’t think someone can be considered a traitor because of who they choose to have a relationship with. And I don’t even think that the concept of “traitor” is valid today. Interracial relationships are becoming a much bigger part of America. It is a reality that is not going away. The race traitor talk comes from a close-minded ideology that is well past its expiration date. People are moving past this way of thinking.


I think that Black women should feel free to date whoever they want, without guilt. There does seem to be a shortage of what they call “marriageable” Black men. Not a shortage of men per se… but a lack of those who meet their economic, educational, and social standards. Should they be expected to die alone, waiting on a Black man to sweep them off their feet? Of course not. Now I will say that some Black women seem to be demanding when it comes to the standards that a man has to reach before he is considered “marriageable”. But then again, this has become the norm for most women, regardless of race/ethnic background. I guess men have always been judged by the “marriageability” standard… income, career, ability to support a wife and family, etc etc. But in recent decades, it has become even more important.
And I also notice that Black women get upset about this as well, from the other side. In fact, Black women seem to have more of a problem with it than Black men. That would probably be because there are more Black Male/other couples than Black Female/other.

My Personal Perspective On Interracial Relationships

When I was in Middle School and High school, I always had a hard time identifying with Black popular culture. Although I had White friends, Black friends, & friends of various other different races, I always felt like I did not belong when I was around my Black peers. I always seemed to identify more with other groups. So I was in a dilemma. I didn’t feel like I was part of my own group, yet non-Black groups would never really accept me either. So I always felt like I really did not belong to any group.

And when it came to dealing with the opposite sex, I ran into the same problem. Most of the Black girls were always (literally) competing for the bad boys, thugs, gangbangers, jocks, the troublemakers, etc. I’m not saying that this was an issue that was exclusive to Black girls. Girls of other racial backgrounds also suffered from the Bad Boy disease. But it seemed to be more pronounced with the Black girls. If you were trying to do good in school, you were considered “uncool” & thus unattractive (according to the Black girls at least). Education seemed to be despised… Ironic considering that we were in school, lol. I also never had much in common with my Black female counterparts. I seemed to be more interested in the young ladies of other ethnic groups. But once again, there was the issue of race. I never knew how to talk to any of them and was always worried about not being accepted. So my High School dating life was non-existent. In Middle School, I went to dances alone. And later in High School, I avoided each and every one of these events. Although I did go to a regional academic tournament to represent my High School, but that wasn’t a social event… That was my government teachers idea for getting me to participate more in school activities.


Fast forward to adulthood, and I still deal with the same problems of identity. I didn’t date until very late. And I quickly realized how much I hated the ritual…. Which is why I didn’t date long. I am currently 3 years into a long intermission. But for the short time that I did date, most of those dates were interracial. I make no apologies. And when I start dating again, I expect to have several dates with women of other racial backgrounds. Now I would love to find a Black woman who fits what I want, but I’m not going to grow old waiting for her to magically land at my front door. Does that make me a race traitor? Is “traitor” talk even appropriate in today’s world? Is it obsolete? Was it ever appropriate?

Have you had an interracial dating experience? If not, would you consider one? If you have had an interracial dating experience, what was it like? For me, I just recall all the strange stares from people. I felt uncomfortable… but I don’t know if that was from the date, or from the stupid looks from people. That is something that I am going to have to get used to. I commend people who have to deal with this and who choose to endure it for years. I don’t know if I have the armor to deal with the reactions. As I mentioned, I’d much rather have a Black woman who fits what I want… but I can’t build myself an android. I have to wait for the real thing. But in the meantime… No limits. I like all of the varieties that are available.

And Black women…. Why do you get so upset about Black men dating out, especially in light of the fact that so many Black women are now doing the same?

Related Article

Interracial Marriages Flourishing

44 comments:

rikyrah said...

AI,

I've had a nice discussion with AAPP on this subject.

Have you had an interracial dating experience? If not, would you consider one? If you have had an interracial dating experience, what was it like?

Yes, I have, so obviously I've considered it. They were different experiences. When I was younger, it was more uncomfortable for me, but as I got older, you're able to just tell people to '#($* it'. But then, for me personally, I just didn't want an inter-racial relationship as my first choice.


And Black women…. Why do you get so upset about Black men dating out, especially in light of the fact that so many Black women are now doing the same?


Now, AI, you need to be honest about this.

Of all the Black/White inter-racial relationships, TWO-THIRDS are between Black MEN and White WOMEN.

2 out of 3.

Why do Black women get bent out of shape?

Because, it's simply unnatural for Black women to be involved in inter-racial relationships. Goes against everything that we were raised with in the community. I believe, that we see ourselves as the last breach of defense for the Black family, and if WE give up on the Black family, then all is lost.

I admit that I've been involved in inter-racial relationships. But, I want to marry a Black man, plain and simple, AI. I have enough issues of being Black in America, that I don't want to bring confusion and lack of understanding into my home. I need somewhere that I can have peace from that mess.

I'm not saying ALL, AI, but just from the group of educated Black women that I know that have 'crossed over', they did it kicking and screaming. It was an actual process, over time, that you had to through, in order to even bring up the consideration that you would be open to dating inter-racially.

And, to be honest, I just don't see that HESITANCY from Black men.

And, the 10% number of Black men marrying out is very misleading.

I wish I could find the article, but it went more in depth about Black men and inter-racial dating, and showed:

With College Educated Black men, the number going inter-racial was in the 20th percentile.

The higher the educational level, the number going inter-racial moved up exponentially...so, it's NOT just 'in the minds' of Black women, when they see highly educated Black men with everything but a Sista on their arms. That percentage is far higher than the 10% being thrown out there.

Then, it depends upon where you live. I feel bad for my Sisters in Minnesota, California, and the Pacific Northwest, where the inter-racial relationships for Black men begin at 30%. Yes, I said BEGIN.

So, imagine being a Sista out there....I can testify to the Minnesota happening. My COLLEGE-GOING NIECE can't get a Black boy to ask her out. She's perfectly comfortable with Black people, but none will ask her out. She happens to be darker than the paperbag, and with this recent study of current college students.

Did you read the latest study they did of Black college students and 'The Color Complex'?

The Ross study indicated that only 16.4 percent of women would prefer to date a person of a lighter complexion and 16.8 percent of women would want to marry a person with light skin.

The study showed that 33.3 percent of men preferred to date a person of a lighter complexion and 38.3 would prefer lighter skin in a marriage partner.


17% of Black WOMEN.

38% of Black MEN.

Where does that leave Black women like my Chocolate college attending niece?

Remember, this survey was of HER generation.

College Colorism Study


If I told you that my Black Nationalist Sister is beside herself, but doesn't think she can say anything to her daughter, because what's she going to say ?

" Sit at home until a Black boy asks you out? "

That wouldn't be right, so she dates who asks her.

I believe we lose something in the community with inter-racial marriage.

MAYBE if our stats were like they were in 1965, when 80% of our children were born in 2 parent homes, and not now, when 30% are.

Black women are the least likely to marry, and STILL we're not rushing across that inter-racial boundary, are we, AI?

That should tell you something about how Black women REALLY feel about inter-racial dating, not only for Black men, but for themselves.

Bronze Trinity said...

I dated interacially exclusively when I was growing up in Toronto. Black people are only about 1.3% of Canada's population so you can imagine that we are greatly outnumbered there. There were many more men of different ethnicities to date. But that was before gradschool.

Once I started reading about Black history the idea of interacial dating became less and less appealing to me. Before I used to dream about being with a guy, White, like the ones in all the John Hughes movies and all those teen dating films. I saw all the romantic comedies and romances and the guy was always white. But after reading history all I think about is that 60 years ago I could have gotten killed for dating that person or this person could have murdered me out of racial hatred and no one would have cared. I thought about having to deal with the hair issue, with having kids come home from school and asking about slavery. I thought about one day having a discussion with a white husband about racism and having him say "Black people are too sensitive", "slavery was 200 years ago", "there is too much political correctness", or "racism really doesn't exist anymore". I think discussions about Black and White relations don't always come up, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Later on in the relationship I could find out that he has those views.

I just don't think I could deal with dating someone who wasn't considered "ethnic" (e.g., Asian, Indian, Maori, Samoan, Native American) or something. I think that I could only date interratially from these non-white groups because they understand oppression and discrimmination. Plus we don't have the long terrible history between us. No one can say that I'm knocking interacial dating before trying it because I have tried it. I think I'll pass on Black-White dating though. I don't think the guys treated me well or were ever really serious about me. I do have friends back home who married White men though so I don't know how they managed or why they were respected when I was not.

The Angry Independent said...

AI,

I've had a nice discussion with AAPP on this subject.


Were you able to get the man to come to any sensible position?

I hope so...

also, interesting comments about the issues of skin color among young Black America. However, I am not sure if this is connected with a desire for broadening choice in relationship partners. It seems to have more to do with the age old problem of Black communities struggling with issues of skin tone... But I can see how people who prefer lighter skin could be predisposed to crossing over.

Thanks for the data and the link. Gives me a lot to chew on....I knew about some of the information, but was not aware of some of the information you provided.

As you suggested I believe geography plays a part in the number of Black men crossing over. The same goes for Women... Bronze being an example. Sometimes the options just aren't there at all.

You mentioned your niece and sister... I particularly noticed that you referred to your sister as a "Black Nationalist". It would be interesting to see Dinner in that Household with one of your nieces boyfriends visiting, lol. "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner - The Next Generation". lol.

Would your sister be open to the idea of your niece actually settling down with a White Guy or a gentleman of some other non-Black background, and eventually marrying him????

I run into this issue all the time from this side of the fence...as a Black male. Women saying... I can't date a black guy... I can't bring a black man home...my family would not approve, etc etc. But I guess this can go both ways...
There are still a lot of African Americans who are just as prejudiced to the idea of interracial relationships. I often think of mainly White America (& to a large extent Asian America) as the groups having these hangups. But every group has them.

I think Black women... (although they have the right to be upset) should try to find out why Black men are choosing to go elsewhere.

In my case, it has more to do with common interests.... and somewhat has to do with Black female attitudes (not all...but many)...on a variety of things.

But as I mentioned... I like women from all racial/ethnic backgrounds. I have not come across the right African American woman yet...

I don't think my standards are too high.... but maybe i'm being too idealistic when it comes to what I would want. Blame it on the Cosby Show, Phylicia Rashad, and Lisa Bonet (& others around that time). They created this image for me when I was growing up... of a superwoman, lol. My stepmother might have played a part in that as well.

So in my mind, the bar was set a little high. Maybe too high.

The Angry Independent said...

Bronze,

Glad to see i'm not the only one who has had these experiences.

I thought White men treated their women well... Hmmm...
I have always wondered why White Men seem to be the ideal... especially for Asian women... Asian women flock to White Men.

Being a Black man, I am on the opposite end- shown in the media as being the image that women should fear and stay away from. So I have always wondered what the appeal was with White guys. But for Asian families, I think it comes down to money... The White male image has for the most part been seen as "successful", the "good father", "career man", "wealthy", etc. While the Black male image is often associated with crime and streetlife, not always being around for their children, etc (not in all cases of course...there are some great Black men who are taking care of their responsibilities as fathers).
But this is the image that the media puts out there... and these negative images are constantly being drilled into peoples subconscience.

There needs to be a study that focuses in on Asian women... this is a subject that fascinates me.
Anyway... your revelation about White men breaks that myth.

Did they see you as a prize? Did they assume that you were just someone to mess around with? Or did they not respect you at all?

In what ways did they not respect you...What was different about how they treated you, as opposed to how they treated White women or women of other ethnicities?

AAPP said...

AAPP: Not the InterRacial Relationship Issue Again! I thought this was a non-issue.

AI: This is a topic that I did not want to tackle just yet, but I wanted to respond to comments made by a blogger regarding interracial marriage.

AAPP: I never knew that you were scared to deal with racial matters?

AI: A fellow African American blogger- who I will not name- stated on NPR earlier this month that Black women who chose to marry men of another race were in his words, “traitors”. He went on to challenge the “blackness” of his fellow NPR guest for his opposition to the statement.

AAPP: A fellow African American blogger- who I will not name-come on AI --- We all know who your talking about - LOL

AI: I was shocked and a little embarrassed by the statements because, for one, they seemed to run contrary to other statements made by this blogger in the past…where he seemed to be open to the idea. I had been familiar with the writings of this particular blogger because I have allowed him to occasionally cross-post/co-blog on this site. I was a little disappointed by the comments because I was happy about his opportunity to be on the show…and didn’t want him to blow it. I also was hoping that the comments were a fluke.. But after the airing of the show, this blogger proceeded to attempt to defend his statements, which I thought were indefensible.

AAPP: AI - Please don't be embarrassed by other people’s comments, particularly a grown mans comments, who probably had different experiences than you. I speak from "my own" experience not yours, therefore you would have a different view. Remember I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts. The deep north. A segregated town where when I grew up black folks could not go into certain neighborhood for fare of their life. Dating white girls in Boston was un-heard of and frowned upon in the black community of Roxbury. So, when you speak from your experience, not mine.

AI: I had been familiar with the writings of this particular blogger because I have allowed him to occasionally cross-post/co-blog on this site

AAPP: "allowed him"Ouch! LOL that hurt! I thought it was through mutual agreement. I also thought that we understood that we would not always agree.

AI I actually found myself in agreement with the other guests on the show- James Collier, and LaShawn Barber (somewhat troubling, lol). Now I still have respect for this blogger, and I continue to read his blog. He is a very talented blogger. He is also still welcomed to post here… but there is no way that I can allow him to have a pass after I have criticized other bloggers on NPR’s News and Notes program who have made questionable statements. I will not post the episode of the NPR program here…and I don’t want it posted here… but I did want to bring the subject up.

AAPP: Thank You for the opportunity to continue blogging with you. But remember the purpose of blogging is to express ones own opinion. I’ve never asked you on anyone else to agree with my opinion. I think I’m on solid footing on my opinions regarding the issue of interracial marriage with over 90% of black couples being married to other blacks.

AI: The statements were dead wrong!

AAPP: And who whom may I ask made you god? Elected or selected you to be judge of what is right and wrong? Who are you to say what statements are right or wrong? Who makes you the decider of my opinion, and if my opinion is to be right or wrong? What may be wrong for you may be right to an overwhelming majority of black families that marry within ones race. Your statements seem to sound ANGRY - Angry Independent. They don’t appear to be well thought out or logical.

AI: People should be able to date and marry whomever they choose, regardless of ethnic, cultural, or religious differences.

AAPP: That is understood in America today. Even though in many corners of America it is frowned upon, regardless of your denial.

AI: The blogger who made the comments does not represent me or this blog when he is expressing these sentiments.

AAPP: “The Blogger” Ouch, back to that!

Although, he is entitled to his opinion.

AAPP: First I’m wrong, now I’m entitled to my opinion – contradiction?

AI: I don’t think someone can be considered a traitor because of who they choose to have a relationship with. And I don’t even think that the concept of “traitor” is valid today. Interracial relationships are becoming a much bigger part of America. It is a reality that is not going away. The race traitor talk comes from a close-minded ideology that is well past its expiration date. People are moving past this way of thinking.

AAPP: What! Do I have to remind you of your many post written by you in which you say as much about black folks of questionable character?





AI: I think that Black women should feel free to date whoever they want, without guilt. There does seem to be a shortage of what they call “marriageable” Black men. Not a shortage of men per se… but a lack of those who meet their economic, educational, and social standards. Should they be expected to die alone, waiting on a Black man to sweep them off their feet? Of course not. Now I will say that some Black women seem to be demanding when it comes to the standards that a man has to reach before he is considered “marriageable”. But then again, this has become the norm for most women, regardless of race/ethnic background. I guess men have always been judged by the “marriageability” standard… income, career, ability to support a wife and family, etc etc. But in recent decades, it has become even more important.

And I also notice that Black women get upset about this as well, from the other side. In fact, Black women seem to have more of a problem with it than Black men. That would probably be because there are more Black Male/other couples than Black Female/other.

AAPP: If Black women want to make that choice go right ahead! Enjoy!

AI: My Personal Perspective On Interracial Relationships

Like any blogger you have a right to your personal perspective, like I do myself. Am I an evil person for letting the cat out of the bag and discussing my views of interracial relationships openly -No.

Should I be told I’m wrong because I say what is obvious, Black's generally don’t marry outside of our race - No.

Should you be embarrassed by my comments and views regarding interracial marriage - I don’t think so, but I’m sorry you are.

Do I agree or understand your personal perspective on interracial relationships - No.

Do I think your wrong - No.?

I think you have a right to your own personal perspective on the social issues of the day. You are who you are, I am who I am.

You express your opinion through blogging and I express mine. We are not a monolithic community of men or women, and we can agree to disagree.

It does not make us bad or wrong, it just makes us …. different. Because, we are the lump sum of our life experiences.

OK, now that I got that off my chest. I still have respect for you as a blogger, and I will also continue to read your blog and post on "non-interracial marriage issues." :-)

AAPP said...

Rikyrah, We have had nice discussion about this issue of interracial dating and marriage. I respect you for walking through the issues with me. My new good friend and blogger Angie recently walked me through the same discussion-in common sense "forget all the hype" terms.

AI asked Whether you were able to get "the man" to come to any sensible position? Ouch! Why are so many people concerned about my opinion on InterRacial Dating and Marriage? Did I hit a raw nerve? Why are some black bloggers so hung up on defending the rights of black men and women to date interracially. Why is my position different from the tens of thousands of black folks who get married to black folks every year, saying out loud, "I Marry Black." Over 90% marrying black! If the other 4-5% want to marry white guess what I could care less. Do your think. But my opinion is my opinion. Is it racist - NO! Is it bigoted NO! If it is bigoted our racist lets call the over 90% of black folks who marry black every day, bigoted, racist and living in the past. Black folks love black folks! Black men love Black Women- Black women love black Men.

For those that don't understand that too bad! For those who are in denial that black folks by and large don't marry outside of their race - Denial is a river in Egypt.

The Angry Independent said...

African American Political Pundit:
Thank You for the opportunity to continue blogging with you. But remember the purpose of blogging is to express ones own opinion. I’ve never asked you on anyone else to agree with my opinion. I think I’m on solid footing on my opinions regarding the issue of interracial marriage with over 90% of black couples being married to other blacks.


Angry Independent: The statements were dead wrong!

African American Political Pundit:
And who whom may I ask made you god? Elected or selected you to be judge of what is right and wrong? Who are you to say what statements are right or wrong? Who makes you the decider of my opinion, and if my opinion is to be right or wrong? What may be wrong for you may be right to an overwhelming majority of black families that marry within ones race. Your statements seem to sound ANGRY - Angry Independent. They don’t appear to be well thought out or logical.


My position is not well thought out or logical? What???!

No AAPP I don't think i'm God. But just as you have a right to your opinion, I have a right to disagree.

African American Political Pundit Again:
I think I’m on solid footing on my opinions regarding the issue of interracial marriage with over 90% of black couples being married to other blacks.


Response:

No AAPP, I think you’re wrong. Just because the majority of African Americans marry within their own race, does not mean that they are against interracial marriage. It means they decided that (for them) they would marry another Black person. It doesn’t mean that they believe that those African Americans WHO DO marry people of other races are traitors. These are two separate questions. You cannot infer that Blacks are against interracial marriage based on the fact that most Blacks marry other Blacks. Most marriages are intra-racial after all, so it would be expected that there would be more Blacks married to Blacks…. As there are more Whites married to Whites.

Now let’s take a look at the facts AAPP.

Research finds that most Americans (77% according to Gallup) approve of interracial unions. Gallup looked at this issue just this year. According to the survey, African Americans are even more likely to approve
of interracial unions (85%). So I am not sure where you are getting your information. My position is based on logic and facts. Other research has supported the Gallup findings. It looks like you actually share the minority opinion and I am actually firmly in the majority.[2] [3]

Now I won’t get into a debate with you on this, but I will respond to any claim that my positions are not logical or factual.

I agree that we are entitled to our own opinions, and yes…. I am the one who emphasized the fact that we would not always agree.

But let me ask you this…. Are you still holding onto the position that Blacks who choose to have relationships outside of their race are race “traitors“? (That would include me, Rikyrah, Bronze and countless others).

I’m not saying that you are not allowed to disagree with interracial relationships, no one is saying that. I am just pointing out that the traitor talk seemed out of order. Why the name calling for those who have a different personal preference regarding who they choose to have relationships with? These are not even folks who are challenging you directly on anything...and they are people who you don't even know.

And yes, I knew that people would be able to put 2 & 2 together and figure out who I was referring to. But my aim was to bring the subject up without putting you in any spotlight, with the hope of causing as little friction as possible. I wanted to keep the focus on the content of the discussion rather than on any particular person.

African American Political Pundit said...

AI: The statements were dead wrong!

AAPP: Sounds like you have not "Grown up" regarding best approaches of discussion and debate around issues of "opinions."

Why does there have to be a right or wrong on opinions and beliefs?

AI: No AAPP I don't think i'm God. But just as you have a right to your opinion, I have a right to disagree.

African American Political Pundit Again: I think I’m on solid footing on my opinions regarding the issue of interracial marriage with over 90% of black couples being married to other blacks.

Response:

No AAPP, I think you’re wrong. Just because the majority of African Americans marry within their own race, does not mean that they are against interracial marriage. It means they decided that (for them) they would marry another Black person. It doesn’t mean that they believe that those African Americans WHO DO marry people of other races are traitors. These are two separate questions. You cannot infer that Blacks are against interracial marriage based on the fact that most Blacks marry other Blacks. Most marriages are intra-racial after all, so it would be expected that there would be more Blacks married to Blacks…. As there are more Whites married to Whites.


AAPP: Your right, it may be a faulty assumption. Yet there has not been any research from any organization of "crediability within the African American community" on the issue.

AI: Now let’s take a look at the facts AAPP.

Research finds that most Americans (77% according to Gallup) approve of interracial unions. Gallup looked at this issue just this year. According to the survey, African Americans are even more likely to approve
of interracial unions (85%). So I am not sure where you are getting your information. My position is based on logic and facts. Other research has supported the Gallup findings. It looks like you actually share the minority opinion and I am actually firmly in the majority.[2] [3]

AI: Gallup Poll. You got to be kidding me AI. I thought you graduated from from crediable Universities of higher education. Brother, your quoting a Gallup study on Black American Opinions suprises me brother. Why don't you go and say you read it in Jet or Ebony Magazine. Come on now Brotha.


AI: Now I won’t get into a debate with you on this, but I will respond to any claim that my positions are not logical or factual.

AAPP: Gallup polling in the black community LOL LOL LOL

AI: But let me ask you this…. Are you still holding onto the position that Blacks who choose to have relationships outside of their race are race “traitors“? (That would include me, Rikyrah, Bronze and countless others).

AAPP: It's my personl opinion that Black Woman who "exclusively date only white men, yet who live in close proximity to, and have black men readliy available are traitors. YES!

It's also my personal opinion that Black Men who "exclusively date only white women, yet who live in close proximity to, and have black women readliy available are traitors. YES!

AI: I’m not saying that you are not allowed to disagree with interracial relationships, no one is saying that. I am just pointing out that the traitor talk seemed out of order.

AAPP: I didnot start the traitor talk at NPR I recollect the guest did. I only agreed with the moderator when asked.

AI: Why the name calling for those who have a different personal preference regarding who they choose to have relationships with?

AAPP: Ask the guest and moderator. I only agreed.

AI: These are not even folks who are challenging you directly on anything...and they are people who you don't even know.

AAPP: But it's my opinion, based on my life experience. Your life experience is different. I saluate you for your decision to find love wherever you wish.

I agree with Maya Angelou who talks about black women and relationships with black men vs others, when she said "I would encourage you first to do all you can for your brothers, always. Because every black woman has a black father, black grandfather, probably some black brothers, black nephews, black uncles, and maybe some just good black friends and, if lucky, some black lovers. I would encourage you to have the courage to call a person aside and try to put your hand on him, someone whom you know, and say, "You know, I care about you, and I'm not the only one. You know, if we lose you, we may lose our hold on life." Speak to him. Speak to her. Do your best."

AI: And yes, I knew that people would be able to put 2 & 2 together and figure out who I was referring to. But my aim was to bring the subject up without putting you in any spotlight, with the hope of causing as little friction as possible.

AAPP: Brotha, There is no friction between you and I, It's an important conversation that needs to be brought out into the light. If you think I'm a dying breed of Black man who cherishes the true black experience I think you are mistaken. And if you really think that black folks who get a gallup pollster calling there house talking about interracial marriage is telling the pollster their inner most feelings about race matters.

Well, you are surely in denial. Thank God for black research groups like the joint center.

The Angry Independent said...

AAPP,

Gallup is a respected survey organization... The survey that they conducted regarding interracial relationships & peoples acceptance of them was more in-depth than the typical survey.

And I did offer sources for 2 other research organizations that provided information supporting the fact that the trend in this country regarding interracial relationships is moving away from your position... and it has been for several decades.

I am open to any data that you have that contradicts the information that I provided which challenged your position. You can't simply blow off the information that was provided with a huff and puff, without providing data to challenge it.

The facts are there for my readers to see. The information stands on its own. All the huffing and puffing in the world won't make the facts go away AAPP.

Now I hope to be done with this particular discussion with you... because we will just go in circles...

But I do want to carry on with the wider discussion.

Dirty Red said...

I enjoy your blog man, keep up the good work. I feel you when you talked about fitting in. Growing up most black females would not give me a second look because I was dark. So the majority of my dates and relatinships were with hispanic girls. In fact my family was surprised when I married a black female. Although I have "been" with white girls, I have never felt completely comfortable being in a long term relatinship with one. I just know what I like. I have always been attracted to my sistahs, but until recently they were not attracted to me. By recently, I mean the last 15 or so years. I think that dark skin men did not become "in" until Big Daddy Kane became popular. Who by the way is one of my all time favorite old school artists. I also agree with you when you said a person should be able to date whomever he/she chooses. I used to hate the Al B Sures' and all of those pretty light skinned MF'S. But now I feel good about my dark skin and I would not trade in my black skin for nothing. To me my dark skin connects me to my ancestors.In my opinion, and this is just an opinion, my dark skin means that my DNA has not been diluted. My roots were not tampered with. In fact while perfoming my job, I have to deal with many different ethnic backgrounds and most of the Africans that come into my office ask me where I am from in Africa. To me there is no greater complimate than that. But their smiles turn to frowns when I tell them I was born and raised on the East Coast of the United States. Go figure. I guess the judging and misconceptions don't stop. Maybe either you or I should blog about that.

The Angry Independent said...

Figuring out where I fit in was a big problem for me. Race was often a stumbling block.

I had similar experiences with dealing with the ignorance from my own so-called group. I guess this was part of the reason why I never fit in. I would often get teased for actually doing my school work.

And you seemed to mention being proud of having a non-diluted racial background.

But you can't forget the mixed African Americans. They often have the same issues of figuring out where they belong. I don't see them as having diluted ethnicities.

jacky said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I honestly don't understand what the issue is with black women letting go of black men. I think it is "Racist" to NOT want to date anyone but your race. I think we let our imaginations take us for a spin sometimes. WE are the only ones fighting for the "upkeep of the black race." WHY?? I don't get it? Do you think that somehow if we can keep our "race together" that if the time ever came to combat racism again we would have a "group of people" to fight? If this isn't your reasoning then what is it? If you only want to merely stay away from other races then you are a bigot.

I have on many occassions been involved with other races.

Do you realize that as long as you continue only marrying black men, that means that white men will continue only marrying white women or other non-white women? Thus DOING WHAT WHITE SUPREMISTS WANT?

SEGREGATION! They know exactly what will happen if blacks and whites were to ever start mingling together. It not as bad when a white man marries a non-white woman because usually the bi-product of the union usually has features where (if they tweaked somethings, i.e. color their hair blonde, get blue contacts) they can pass for white. Biracial black and white children More times than not can not pass for white. Usually something always gives them away.


When black and white and non-white people at rapid and large rates continue to mingle and create children you are now "mixing" things up. Eventually there will be so many mixtures of people, no one will know who is who; it will be very confusing.

Thus it will be quite difficult for anyone to be racist against another person because one may look at a person and say I don't like hispanics, and the person they think is hispanic is really black and white or Native american and black, or Indian and white.

Mixing races is the only way to end racism. Black women have to get off of this "save the black race" thing. There is no need to preserve it. God loves everyone and he never intended for us to be segregated.

And this whole "I only will marry a man as a last resort" is mean. Would you want a white man only dating you as a last resort because all the white women THEY REALLY WANTED went to the black men? You have to think about that. If you chose not to want to date outside your race, please don't when you are 50 and still single say oh well I guess I will give some white boy a chance, because that will be cruel and unfair to him. He deserves to be loved for who he is not because he is your emergency last resort kit that you keep in the trunk of your car.

lesa said...

I just stumbled on this by accident, but I would really like to find out why opinions from outsiders matter so much to your personal lives? Interracial dating... what is that? By giving it a name, you are inevitably categorising it.

The world is not going to stop turning because some people are unhappy about choices certain individuals make in their personal lives. Don't judge, don't criticise. If you don't want it for yourself, so be it, but don't chastise other people for it either. People should not have to defend themselves for being in any relationship, period. I say move on, there are so many other things on this earth that deserve the time and attention afforded to this topic. Don't make issues out of non-events.

Arbolgirl said...

I am a white women and I have had one interracial relationship with a Black Jamacian man. We are not currently dating but are friends. Although I think that there might be potencial for us to date again in the future. (I broke it off too quickly and probably prematurely.)

The race issue was very openly discussed from the beginning. He actually primarily dates white women almost exclusively. I asked him why that was and he explained that the Carribean culture that he was raised in is very different than African American and/or typically "Black" culture here in the states. We are fortunate enough to live in a city that is almost one third Hispanic, one third White and one third Black in population. There are also large pockets of other ethnic minorities and a fairly large population from the Carribean as well.

Growing up in a very White populated geographical area in the U.S. and then attending a college that was at least 87% White majority, I didn't have as many opprotunities for interracial dating and did not give it much thought. Also, my father harbored some racial prejudices against Black people. He was raised in a racist community in the urban south. His side of our family is known for throwing around the N word as well as saying very degrading things and treating Black people with disrespect. This has always bothered me and I have often voiced my disagreement with their behavior.

When I first began dating my Jamacian friend we openly discussed my family's feelings and behavior toward people of color. I knew that their views troubled him and he was honest about that as well as being honest about how his own family feels about his dating non-Black women. They are not as offensive as my family tends to be but they have made comments to him in the past of their wish for him to date "darker" women. We joke that I at least have darker hair than his last girlfriend!

I told him that I felt my dad's prejudices come from a combination of fear and ignorance. Not all Black people are the same. Not all Black culture is the same (which my Jamacian friend would agree with). Most of my closest friends at this point in my life are not White. They are of varying ethnicities and countries but most of them are not White. This wasn't something I did purposely but I believe it has blessed my life in so many ways.

Anyways, back to my father's racism. Ugh. I believe very strongly that if I was to tell my father I was dating a man who had a master's degree, was very successful in his career, owned his own home, shared our Christain faith and was a very kind man who is devoted to having a family someday. A man who treats me wonderfully etc. (you see why I am rethinking the break-up) If I was to tell my father I had met someone as I described and then was to tell him that this man was a black man from Jamacia I am sure he would be shocked. But I am guessing that after meeting him and getting to know him and seeing all these attributes as being true about him, that he would grow to accept him. He would accept him because he is a man very much like himself. The only difference is that he is a black man.

How important is it to me that my father accepts the man in my life? It is important. It is not as important that he be the man my father would pick out for me but that he is a man my father will respect and vice versa. This is important for my friend as well as family dynamics are very important to him.

I am hopefully of his acceptance but I am realistic of how my family's acceptance of my being in a relationship with a black man will potencially be a very painful experience for all.

My friend is also very realistic about this battle.

In some ways I welcome the battle because if we are met to be then we will come out of this battle stronger as a couple and if not then we will have more confidence that we not met to be more than friends.

I welcome any comments or suggestions you may have to share of similar experiences.

kat said...

I recently wrote a paper about this issue for a college English Composition class. It was titled
Should Interracial Dating Be Accepted?. Please take a moment and read it.
A present belief is that dating should only occur inside a single race. In most cases, someone dating or marrying outside of his or her race is viewed as taboo. However, the ideology of interracial dating has evolved and is now viewed as acceptable among younger generations. Throughout the years, integration of other races into the dating scene has become a frequent occurrence and is slowly becoming more popular.
The idea of an interracial relationship is not a new concept. Even in the times of Christ, these types of relationships occurred. According to the article Does the Bible Forbid Interracial Dating and Marriage, many of the couples in the Bible were of mixed races with examples such as Boaz, a “Canaanite”, who wedded Ruth, a “Moabite”, and Moses, an Israelite, who wedded a “Midianite ”. “God’s Word tells us we are all of one blood (Acts 17:26); we are all the descendants of Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:20); and we are all the descendants of Noah. We are in one sense, therefore, all of one race (family).” The Bible never says that one may not have an interracial relationship; rather that one should not have a relationship with someone of a different religion (http://biblestudy.org). Therefore, it is shown that even God allows interracial courtship. The people of biblical times accepted relationships, as well as marriage, among different races. People must simply remember that every human on Earth is flesh and blood; on the inside, no person is different from another.
The United States of America is known as a melting pot because it has a mixture of races and cultures. Although the line may not consist of different colors, the ancestry of many citizens is a combination of races. Those races may consist of Native American, Scottish, English, Irish, African, Dutch, or other ethnic decent. No matter the blend, an example of an interracial relationship is most likely evident. Particularly in the southern United States, much dispute over segregation and integration has existed. Segregation is a way of dividing people by race, culture, or other outlying characteristics. In the South, the “blacks” were separated from the “whites”. Most “blacks” were treated as slaves. However, even during times of segregation many people rebelled and were at least friends with people of the other race. Integration of public places later occurred, but not soon enough. Now the belief is that people of all cultures can learn to coexist without hostility, violence, or major issues. Since integration, a great increase in interracial relationships has been observed.
Older generations still view these relationships as improper; however, younger generations, such as college students and teenagers, state that race does not matter. Most young people say they are “color blind”. Several young people have stated that a person’s personality and his or her own happiness will make the difference in a relationship. Many young people in interracial relationships deal with matters of prejudice from family and friends, but they will often overlook the gestures for their own happiness.
Until people come to the understanding that a judgmental attitude towards others who participate in an interracial relationship is more immoral than the relationship itself, this will always be a controversial issue. If the couple is happy, although they may be in an interracial relationship, then allow them to remain fortunate to have found someone that fulfills their needs and desires. Prejudice is a major issue, and more times than not it controls who will take part in an interracial relationship despite happiness. The public must overlook the color of skin and take a glimpse at character. People should be criticized by their morals and values, not by race. A mirror’s glance at personal flaws is merely enough to look past the combination of two equally beautiful colors and see the heart.

Hoopskidoodle said...

I think that historically black women have had more of a problem with interracial marriage. I really don't think that is the case with the present generation of young black women. In fact, I'm convinced that the disparity between bm/wf liaisons and bf/wm ones will not only even out soon, but that they will become the majority of black/white unions.

In brief, black women attend universities and work in professional settings in larger numbers than black men. In these milieus, they are surrounded by white men. Women, of any race, tend to want to marry up. And, white men enjoy a disproportionate slice of the socio/economic power pie. Naturally, as the taboo against interracial relationships attenuates, more black women are going to see whites (who may even more closely mirror their attitudes toward marriage) as viable options.

Now that I think about it, I can't think of another interracial permutation where there are more minority males marrying white women than the other way around.

L said...

AI, your issues with relating to and feeling comfortable with other African Americans male or female has more to do with the fact that you had a limited exposure than that, as you implied, all Black people shun away from intelligence, and positive or progressive minded people. You simply associated with a different group of African Americans.

So as an adult it is beyond erroneous of you to assume (and you know what that makes for) that this has more to do with the quality of the people around you and not to do with who YOU CHOOSE to associate your self with ...

EB said...

I'm a white woman engaged to a black man. The only people who have worried about our different races were my parents, and they were mostly worried about our kids - they were afraid kids who are half one race and half another wouldn't belong anywhere and would feel ostracized and unaccepted. Does anyone have any experience with biracial children? I feel like children from an interacial couple would grow up stronger than many other children. How big is the risk?

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm America. So free that you still fall over yourselves in the street when you see me and my black fiancee coming! Over here in England no-one cares and certainly everyone in both our families are delighted, just a bit annoyed it took me so long (4 years!) to ask her to marry me. My Dad lives in the US so we visit quite a lot and the only place in the world, apart from America where we got abuse and stares was in Poland, and that had more to do with they had never seen any black people at all! Last month, on 7th st NYC near Macys, a group of black guys were thumping bibles and preaching and focussed in on us and told her she was "laying with the devil". Ok they were wackos, but the whole trip people, mainly black, stared at us. Get into the 21st Century people!

If all you non-conformist couples need sactuary though, come to England. The food sucks but you will feel welcome.

Anonymous said...

WHY are black women expected to coddle black men and sacrifice EVERYTHING for black men but we get NOTHING in return for it?? Black women need to stop being loyal to a group of men who OBVIOUSLY don't reciprocate the same loyalty. And to the one poster who says that it is unnatural for black women to be in an interracial relationship, you are nuts. However, black men can play around with Becky and Maria but we are supposed to just sit on the sidelines becuase we have to support the black "community"?!

Anonymous said...

It's best for black women to redirect their focus "away" from black men. It makes no sense concerning ourselves with anything that involves them...leave them to nonblacks completely because they are incapable of loving their own and have no interest in collective empowerment the same as other groups. Keep striving for higher education/professional careers and always reach back to uplift black girls and women. This is the sole demographics I will concern myself with. Black men want to use and exploit black women...let them place their burdens on their own women of choice. We have to totally change our way of thinking when it comes to them.

Anonymous said...

We all live and die and the happier we are the better.

That said I am black (dark) and in a long term committed relationship with a white anti-zionist jew. We are both activist who met doing similar political work. I have also understood feeling out of place in the black community and have made community primarily with other black and other people of color who share that experience.
I understand that when people see interracial couples it can look like a rejection of black people and why wouldn't it when we are trying to be erased whether it be by the education system, prisons or violence we inflict on each other.

I feel fortunate to have a partner who understands that being with someone white is not my ideal nor does he seek to date outside of his race. I am lucky that I don't have to do much to "educate" him about my daily experiences. Before meeting me- aside from self-educating he had deep friendships with many people of color and is very open to understanding how his unearned white privilege plays out even as we are just in a resturant and the waiter only looks at him (small example).
I have done a lot to examine myself and why I was even open to this relationship. Even when we talk about children we are clear that we want to adopt a black child but have to have really deep discussions about what that could mean.
I fear for the couples that reject their own kind or date people that are seriously unaware of institutional oppression. I also recommend having friends and a community that looks like you and share similar experiences because no matter how radical/progressive and racially aware your partner may be...isolation doesn't lead to anything good.
I feel that my partner and I are able to heal each other in ways I could not imagine, the black folks I had dated before shared so much of the same experiences that we ended up re-triggering eachother and playing out really unhealthy dynamics, but there was a shared language and unspoken bond that I miss. I am also clear that it is very possibly for me to find someone in my own race that I could have a very healthy and loving relationship with, I already have many deep and loving connections to black friends and family and I urge people to not give up on black boys. I have had so many examples at least in my family of loving black men not caught up in hyper masculinity. They exist and there are more to come.

Being in an interracial relationship should not mean you give up on taking care of your people, but it is also the black community's role not to find any reason to reject members of your own community further isolation whether it be interracial relationships, gay, nerdy or alternative. There isn't much room for these people to participate in the larger black community even when they want to.

Anonymous said...

I'm a black female, married to a black male, because he is the most amazing human being I have ever met, and inspires me daily to live an amazing life. Not because he is black. I have no hesitance in calling anyone against interracial dating a fucking moron. Go move to Alabama. You'd fit in great there. Your logic and understanding is about as great as that of the Bible Belt, regardless of whether or not your opinions are on the opposite side of the spectrum as theirs. It's still the same logic.

This is love, people. Do you know what it feels like, to be in true, passionate, adamant love with someone? With someone's soul, mind, character and heart? If you did- you'd hardly even fucking notice their race. Except for maybe on a physical/sexual level. Love is above all this statistic bullshit. Stop spreading the racial snobbishness and start spreading the love. And to all the black women and men...in fact... to ALL women and men, if you get called a race traitor for the person you love- just know you're the victor by default, for following your heart and not your eyesight. Ignore anyone who disagrees with your decision. Move on with your love, spread it through mankind, and let the snobs drown in their own closed-mindedness, bigotry, and anger.

Maryann F. said...

It makes me want to vomit because i feel that those black men have serious self esteem issues. the slave & masters wife syndrome. its really sad & pathetic & old after all of these years bu its alive and well in the weak links of the black race who are ashamed to be black or feel that having something white or other on their arm makes them less black or is a status symbol. oh, the sad o.j. simpsoms & tiger woods of the world.it is a slap in the face because it falsely boost white womens egos to think that they are preferred over a black woman, or are some competition. not hardly, honey even wtih the plastic surgery. thats the part that really makes me nausuas.

The Angry Independent said...

Maryann,

The self-esteem issue could be true for some. But I doubt if that's the case for all. Identity may be a bigger factor.

Is it possible that these men simply have a different preference? Why does there always have to be something wrong with these men? Perhaps these men want to be around those who they feel more comfortable with...or who they identify with.

Blacks are not a monolith...we represent different values, political persuasions, religious ideologies, social views, etc... and the same variance should be expected when it comes to the people that Blacks (in this case Black men) decide to surround themselves with...or who they choose to go out with.

Anonymous said...

I'm just not attracted to black men.. i'm its the same for the other sire

AfrikanBeauty said...

Wow I just did a blog kind of along these same lines. Honestly I have dated a few men outside of my race. I even joined a few interracial dating sites. The problem that I am finding is that it is harder to find a African American man of substance willing to date a African American woman. It seems as if they have lost interest in us. Most have completely written us off. So I date outside of my race but honestly it isn't nothing like a strong black man. Am I going to wait all my life for one and just be alone no I'm not.

Anonymous said...

Have you had an interracial dating experience? If not, would you consider one?

I have as a matter of a fact, and am still involved with a mixed woman, claims Black Creole as her heritage, with some Euro mixed in.

If you have had an interracial dating experience, what was it like?

'M still in it actually. She's probably the most amazing woman I've ever been with. Intelligent, kind, caring, strong willed, hard working, the like. The difference in color is strikingly obvious (dark, dark brown compared to irish light skin), but believe it or not, that actually hasn't been an issue. Probably because she hasn't met my dad's side of the family quite yet.

I wouldn't say she's a traitor for it, especially considering in our area there are very few men her age who match her "race", my own vastly outnumbers her. She worries more about it than me, but I care deeply for her.

Personally I agree that people should be able to date whomever they want. That may be a little bit of my own bias showing because of my involvement with someone from a different race, but it's what I believe in. There are always going to be people worried about "keeping it in the race", but I've been through enough bad relationships that I don't even care what color a woman is anymore.

It's harder for me to identify with the other side of the argument, being white myself and having been raised in a majority white neighborhood. I generally have to keep my opinion to myself, and yeah, no doubt people think it awkward to see us together.

"especially in light of the fact that so many Black women are now doing the same?"
This I have to disagree on. As Rikyrah said, the vast majority of Black/White pairings are black man/white woman. In fact I have to admit that's the only one I see around here, if there's an overwhelming flux if black women dating white men then it must be everywhere but here because even in the nearby cities, I've never seen it.
It actually makes me appreciate the woman I have even more, to think it's such an unlikely pair, 'm lucky to have her.

That's just my own two cents/experience, take it for what you will.

makeba said...

I am a light-skin black man from the US. When growing up I always had rejection from both sides of the coin. I have always chased black woman but never felt the real connection to them at all. But it was all I knew. When I was in college at 26, I met an incredible woman from Brazil...so beautiful that I was afraid to speak to her. She turned out to be so nice and sweet and she liked me. We ended up in a relationship and I was the happiest I had ever been. She was a better quality than any other woman I had dated before. And alot of black woman hated it. Its crazy to me because these were the woman that rejected me for so long. I was never good enough for them. Always the thug, the dumb-ass dude was picked over me. I was nice, well-spoken, and of course, have a light-skin complection. This is looked down upon as weak, and so on. Oh well. Ive been dating outside of my culture for 11yrs. I will never go back. There is no reason. Ive had Asian, Euro, and Latin and they have been miles ahead of american woman. I have turned frineds nd family on to this: My cousin has a Brazilain girlfriend and he has never been happier. His ex-wife cheated on him and had a baby, never respected him, and so on. But he always gave her everything and it seems our woman are never satisfied. I have travelled somewhat to other countries. When I go out to 'socialize', I never go to Hip-hop-type clubs anymore. Wannabe thugs, fat woman with weaves, showing off how big your rims are, woman with salty attitudes...Im done. I only go to venues with an international crowd, and I dont have a problem in meeting woman...but they tend to be from other cultures and that is how I like it. I never get this complaining like I was used to. I tell brothers all the time: TRAVEL! if you dont you are missing out. Seek other woman, you get better treatment. Black woman always think that they are 'strong' and we cant handle it, thats why we get something else. That is bull-shi-! I want soft and feminine, girly, lady-like, womanly, fun, smiling. Not ego, big mouth, arguing, selfish, hating all-the-time woman. Im so done with it!

makeba said...

I have started my own blog about it.
http://brotherswhodateothers.blogspot.com/
Men- come and share ideas and learn some things

Louie said...

Check out this link from bustedhalo.com. Their site has a video that has an interracial couple who have been together for over 30 years. The Adamses offer some very personal insights and experiences on race, history and opportunity in the United States.

The link is here: http://www.bustedhalo.com/features/adams-family-values/

Ashlee said...

I am a white girl who lives in a small town in Southern Kentucky. My boyfriend of several months is black. When we began dating we were "looked down" upon. People talked about me and how it was such a terrible. I had dated white guys in the past but I didn't rally feel a connection to them. I had also dated a few black guys and felt a connection to them. I live int he south where racism is still a big deal with some people. It went so far as the church I attended basically shunned me. I even had a few family members who tried to "turn me right" and get me interested in white me. I am 20 years old. It is my decision who I date, not my communities, not my churches and not my family's. I have to admit that sometimes it is a little trying but I love Shaffer and he loves me and at the end of the day that is what counts. I have even been called racist for preferring black men over white men but like you said it should be an individuals decision.

astrophysiker said...

I have a somewhat similar disposition to that of AI in that I, too, had many negative experiences with black girls throughout school. I went to prom with a very nice black girl, but this was a setup on the part of my mother and a friend of hers (the girl's mother). The damage had pretty much already been done, however, thanks to all the teasing and negativity that I received from the black girls just because I loved school and did nothing but study and play tennis and basketball all the time. I even recall a fierce lecture from one of them who was very interested in me at the time (11th grade) about how white women would never respect me the way she (or other black women) would, and that I would be searching the rest of my life for the kind of white woman I was looking for! I found her lecture to be both puzzling and amusing, as I never considered myself to be desparately searching for a white woman- she apparently thought I was.

At any rate, I don't care who dates whom, and I don't care why or why they don't do it. I think we all have to make personal decisions we'll be happy with, no matter what anyone else says, and I'll never date (or not date) this or that person just to please someone else. I have lived in Europe now for some 16 years, and I can tell you that my dating life has never been better- I've met high quality, well educated, intelligent, attractive women here who just happen to be white women. I can tell you that I've never met white American women like these when I was dating in the U.S., and I think that it has everything to do with how black men are perceived in society in the U.S. I'll spare you the rest of my remarks on this topic as to why I believe many black men choose plain, frumpy white women over even the most beautiful black woman, but I think everyone should date or marry the kind of person he/she will be happiest with- don't worry about what others think!

APGifts said...

.

It is often a surprise for people
to learn that, in reality, there
is actually No Such Thing As a
"Light Skinned Black" person.

The term "Light Skinned Black"
is really nothing more than a
racist oxymoron that was created
by White Supremacists in an
effort to forcibly deny those
Mixed-Race individuals, who
are of a Multi-Generational
Multiracially-Mixed (MGM-Mixed)
Lineage, the right to fully
embrace and to also received
public support in choosing to
acknowledge the truth regarding
their full ancestral heritage.

The people who have been slapped
with the false label and oxymoronic
misnomer of "Light Skinned Black"
person are simply Mixed-Race
individuals whose family has been
continually Mixed-Race throughout
their multiple generations.

For more information on MGM-Mixed
lineage, feel free to view the
information at the found at
the links listed below:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/3331
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1399
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1747

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1570
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1573

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1402
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed/message/1400

Source(s):

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Generation-Mixed
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MGM-Mixed
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FGM-Mixed


-- AP (soaptalk@hotmail.com)

.

Anonymous said...

Have you had an interracial dating experience? If not, would you consider one? If you have had an interracial dating experience, what was it like?


I am currently in an interracial relationship. So of course, I have no problem with it. The thing is.. I view race differently than a lot of people. Even when I was little, skin color to me was the same as eye or hair color. You never see a blonde wary to go talk to a brunette, do you?

And how ridiculous would that be? To see individuals not associate with each other because of hair color? I feel as though most people would find that utterly crazy, and I think the same about those who have problems with interracial relationships.

I was flipping through the channels the other day, and there was some talk show on and this happened to be the topic. A white woman was with a black man, they were in a healthy and happy relationship. Her black co-worker/acquaintance brought her on the show to publicly express how much she hated interracial relationships. She said, and I quote:

"I hate when white women steal our men. They take all the good ones and leave us with the drug dealers, thugs, and the bad ones."

I was beyond disgusted by this comment. So, according to her, any black man with a black woman is a thug, drug dealer or a "bad one?" that's ignorant, ridiculous, and downright pathetic for her to say.

Love isn't about color, or anything else superficial. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and it hardly phases us that we are different colors. I think he's beautiful, and I love him with all of my heart. It's not like he goes after girls from other races, he simply dates those he likes. He's been with both black and white women, and it's not about the color of your skin. It's about you as a person and how you connect with the other.

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Something else, now, at the time I couldn't vote due to being too young...but had I been able to, I would have voted for Obama regardless.

And our country made a good step by electing him. However, those individuals who support him and yet have a problem with interracial relationships? That's easily a paradox. Because, for your information? Barack Obama is half white, half black. A product of an interracial relationship. So if it's that bad, why do you support him?

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In case I haven't been clear enough, I think any type of prejudice or racism is childish. Grow up. It's 2009. Slavery was horrible, and disgusting, and personally, I'm ashamed to know that any human being was capable of that.

Even so many years after that, people still hate each other for skin color. And have no problem making it harder on those who don't have a problem with it. Well guess what I have to say to you?


I'm in love with a man of another race, suck it. (;

NetterBetter said...

Feel good about your decisions. The strength and mental state are far superior than those who have chosen to listen to what society says to do.

Linda said...

My late husband was black - from Papua New guinea. We were married 27 years and have three super kids. We were soul mates and just ignored people who had a problem with us being together. You can't help who you fall in love with!

Annicka J. said...

This blogger you speak of may be a perfect example of how a lot of black men feel about black women "dating out". It makes me nuts that these are the same men who while having strong opinions about the dating habits of black women, may not think anything of a black man dating whomever he chooses. I believe the only reason we don't hear more complaining from black men is because we see far fewer instances of black women with men of other races.
I've mostly dated outside my race, primarily through circumstance. My family never had an issue with it (but it could be debated that that may be a cultural thing being that my parents emigrated here and have no american slave history-- another topic that is worth discussion...). The worst reactions I received while dating were from black men who were complete strangers either OBVIOUSLY looking over my boyfriend or making ridiculously rude comments. Once an older man even pulled me to the side and had the nerve to tell me that it was a shame a girl as pretty as me had no sense! WTF! AND even went on to ask what my father would think! (I had to check him, but it was only after I picked my jaw up off the ground...)
I'm an adult, I already know what type of man I'm attracted to (educated, nice, funny and tall), if the man that happens to fit that profile is a white, asian or hispanic man, fine. I'm not saying no to a great guy just because he isn't my race, and I refuse to pander to the opinions of people who don't even know me.
Oh and in regards to your comment on the asian community, I have a Chinese and Korean girlfriend and both have told me straight up that their families prefer they marry someone asian. They would accept a white man if he was handsome or had a good job, but would definitely have a problem with them bringing home a black man (but would never say that to anyone outside the family). My Filipino friend (who has a black husband) says it's not as big an issue in their culture because there's lots of diversity within the Filipino community.

Anonymous said...

While I have only just read some of the posts on this subject and normally would require some time to digest and think about what I've read before posting, I felt compelled to add my 2 cents here. I am an African-American man who was in an interacial marriage for 20 years. So I can speak from experience.

I must also add that I have been fortunate enough to have traveled internationally and fairly extensivly when I was 19-25 years of age. I was able to both love and hate as demonstrated by many cultures around the globe.

It was very enlightening to talk to those I met on my travels about this subject and to get their take on it. I don't have the time to say everything I have to say at the moment but I willl share this.

1. It is important to travel a bit and to get a broader "world" perspective on things. Once you realize that you are a "citizen of the planet", your thinking is no longer limited to the "propaganda" teachings of America as regards race.

2. The great epiphany I gained in my travels came as a result of witnessing racism as it is practiced in various other countries. I had no idea! I thought that "racism" was limited to (some) Whites hating Black people. I discovered that in EVERY country I visited there was SOME kind of racism being practiced against SOMEbody. Some ethnic group of even sub-group within that culture. Before that I thought it was "just me". It was then that I realized that racism is a state of mind. I doesn't matter WHAT race you are...somebody does not like you for whatever crazy reason.

I learned (thank God!) that it has nothing to do with ME. THEY have the problem. More later.

Anonymous said...

Hey there,

Interracial relationships rock when you are open minded and loving (like you should be in any relationship)

It's totally okay to say that you're not attracted to certain features of a person. However, when you start putting others down for loving those features...Houston we got a problem.

I've been with my boyfriend who is African-Canadian (as in actually from Nigeria) and I am Turkish - we've been together 6 years now. My best friend is Asian (Malaysian) and she has been with her boyfriend (now fiancee) for 7 years. Our other closest friend who is Chinese is marrying his Shrilankan girlfriend next month.

These relationships are beautiful, they do work (when you put in work, and respect and love as you should in any relatioship)

We went to the same highschool we have the same friends and we grew up in the same neighborhood.

He is not taking away from my whiteness, nor am I taking away from his blackness.

We both know how we will raise our kids once we are married.

Oh, and something to add - we both have University degrees, pursuing Masters now.

Well educated, university bound couples are the norm in the interracial community.

www.mixedandhappy.com

eat your hearts out :)

Pull Your Ex Back said...

I can't believe that some people in today's society are still threatened by interracial relationships.

Anonymous said...

I believe God made us all, skin color is only skin deep where I come from, this county has too many hang ups on race, we all share a common ancestry, I think people should get over about who is black, white, yellow, or brown.

The Misses said...

We're all tied together somehow or other. The birth of man and migration makes it seem like we aren't all one but we are.

Black white man women it shouldn't matter.

I have a blog for interracial lovemaking vids by the way if anyone is interested: http://nauhtycaribbeana.blogspot.com/