Sorry for scraping from the bottom of the sewage pit for this one, but this has been on my mind. I despise nearly all of Black pop culture and therefore I, for the most part, avoid anything that may be related… except when I am trying to make some sort of social point or highlight an issue…. which is what I am doing here.
Black women, when you see your image in media, particularly on Television, do you like what you see?
Over the Spring and Summer I was able to catch a few episodes of “Reality” programs that - to put it nicely- show the worst examples of black women. I am not an avid Reality TV watcher…or even an avid TV watcher in general, so I only caught a few episodes of some of the worst offending programs - watching them out of curiosity more than anything else. But it doesn’t take an avid viewer to see how bad the images are. I raise the question above because I have been left scratching my head at the absence of an uproar on the part of black women against these images. I wonder if the silence equals acceptance of the imagery and of the reinforcing of the stereotypes that we are all aware of. In fact, beyond what is mostly silence… I have read/heard black women doing more to praise these characters than challenge them, or the stereotypes they perpetuate. Even if some of the images are true (and some are considering these are programs following women who are “supposedly“ being themselves) it doesn't mean other black women shouldn't challenge them.
There have been a rash of programs launching over the last couple of years that are not flattering to Black women, or Black Americans more generally. This caught my attention because in the background of this buffoonery, we have had the ongoing debate about single black women and the difficulties of finding partners. So this presented an interesting contrast that jumped out at me. The whole time, I am thinking to myself…. well these programs are not helping you. That makes the silence of black women all the more baffling.
Four programs stand out (but certainly they aren’t the limit): 1. The Real Housewives of Atlanta; 2. Basketball Wives; 3. The last Season of the Celebrity Apprentice; and 4. The Braxton’s.
The women in these programs always seem to be shining examples of the kinds of women who I would want to run away from as fast as I could. I would want nothing to do with them. I surely wouldn’t want any of them to be the mother of my children. That’s something that hits me right off the bat. Each show had various levels of ignorance and crazy. The worst display of the whole angry, loud, rude, abrasive, aggressive black woman had to be the Celebrity Apprentice, with “NeNe” Leakes, and Star Jones. Off the charts crazy. What’s sad is that I can’t call it a twisted and completely unfounded stereotype because I have seen this behavior first hand… repeatedly. My problem with the entertainment industry is, there seems to be a pattern where they are making Blacks look like beasts across the board. Where is the balance? There are plenty of smart, (brilliant) black American women who do not behave this way. Yet they choose to put a former adult entertainer (yes NeNe Leakes) in the spotlight. No uproar on the part of the masses of black women. In fact, we basically get the opposite. NeNe Leakes is being embraced by black women (at least by the establishment). She has been chosen as a featured speaker for Essence Magazine's annual festival. In so called “Black America” that is one step short of an NAACP image award. Dr. Boyce Watkins made some really great points in his commentary on this subject.
The other programs are just as troubling in their own way…although more subtle. The Basketball Wives appear to me to be escort service girls and gossip queens or a combination of both. Few real, genuine marriages exist in that world. They are essentially Gold Diggers who openly auction off what they have between their legs. Shallow, hollowed out trophy women (who aren’t even good at being that).
With The Real Housewives you basically get the same deal. The lives of all the main characters seem to revolve around money/financial status, and there's a constant competition to see which “diva” can outdo the other in the level of gluttony, stupidity, and arrogance they can display. The Braxton’s are only slightly more tolerable. Throughout the first season, we saw the example of the loud mouth, the annoying “diva”, and the gold digger. Once again, everything revolved around financial status. Toni Braxton herself, although the most tolerable, was not immune from spreading these negative images. I saw these women denigrate men who did blue collar work - labeling such men as losers who weren’t good enough. I saw these women denigrate a man who wanted to play an active role in raising his children. I saw a woman separate from her husband..a man who appeared to be an upstanding, decent guy who was guilty of falling on hard times. When he was employed and had a writing gig he was alright. But as soon as he fell on hard times…his wife leaves him. (not shocked… but unfortunate that this is becoming more of the norm…another incentive for me not to ever want to seek marriage… for what?). What a great lesson to teach to young women/girls - leave your husband when he loses a job, falls on hard times, becomes disabled and when he needs you most. I guess these kinds of women expect the “commitment” to marriage to flow one way (from the man) as opposed to both ways. It was no surprise that the most sane sister seems to have been the one from Maryland who doesn’t sing and is the most quiet of the bunch. If these are the Braxton “family values” then I am so glad I have a different set of values.
The moral of this, and probably the most tragic part is that young women/girls are watching these programs… getting their cues of how to behave from these programs… getting cues on how to be women and partners from these programs and from these characters. They emulate what they see on TV, and what they hear and read. They are influenced by hip hop culture more than their counterparts of other groups. This is why I say… Black culture (modern culture) is dead. It’s a rotten shell of what it once was. Yes, other women behave this way… true enough. Women in general are a little crazy (not all of you of course). But I see it in higher concentrations among blacks. It gas a bigger impact...no doubt about it. In the general culture… there are plenty of positive images to go along with the sludge. There is more of a balanced picture. This isn’t the case in so-called “Black America”.
And it’s not just the reality shows… you have Beyonce and Rihanna (considered Black royalty) who are like social wrecking balls to the psyche of black women/girls in this country. I am glad that I don’t identify with or recognize this culture. If I ever have a daughter… she will be in private or parochial school (or the best public school I could find) and sheltered from the madness of this planet as best as possible…and BET won’t be allowed in my home under any circumstances.
What can explain the silence of black women? Is this the image that they want to see? If you are a black woman… do you like what you see when viewing black women on TV? Is it the right reflection of you? Why are these negative characters embraced so strongly by so-called "black culture"?
This doesn’t really affect me directly… most readers probably know my dating preferences.. but it is still a troubling social problem that doesn’t seem to be getting any better.
Black bloggers recently started a campaign dubbed “No Wedding, No Womb“, with the aim of promoting marriage in the so-called “Black Community”. I think the effort is well intentioned. But like many causes in today’s Black culture, this appears to be misguided. I don’t think it will have much of an impact beyond twitter and the blogosphere with its current focus. The effort is only touching the surface of the problem. It is already facing resistance from Black women, especially from those who don’t want to accept the reality, reject the data and want to continue moving through the world, like zombies, maintaining the status quo. But then there are a few others who rightfully question the efficacy of the campaign.
Here are my thoughts - from the perspective of a Black man
I think the effort misses the core issues by a mile. While promoting the idea of marriage is a positive thing in general terms, it is not the main solution for the phenomenon of out-of-wedlock births & other problems facing so-called “Black America”. I have written before about Black women (and women more generally) falling in love with the idea of the marriage itself, rather than with their partners; and women being motivated for the wrong reasons to marry men who are not a good match. This problem seems to have come back again in this debate. The focus of the Black women who support this effort seems to be fixated on the idea that if they get married, all of their problems and the problems for the community will go away. They seem to be more concerned with flaunting the ring and the fact that they are married. Little attention seems to be placed on the quality of the man giving them the ring.
One of the main problems that young black women have is that many are terrible when it comes to picking good men or even knowing what qualities they should be looking for. To be frank, many (and this may be a byproduct of not having fathers around) have no idea how to choose a man…. And have no point of reference for even recognizing what a good family man looks like. This is the core of the matter ladies and gentleman. If you are getting a ring from a sleazeball… I don’t think being married on paper is going to help you much. If you are marrying a playboy, a deadbeat, a womanizer, a bum, a man who can’t hold down a job, a man with little education, a man with multiple children from several different women, a man in & out of the criminal justice system, a man involved in risky behavior, a man who isn’t responsible, a man who doesn’t really want to commit to you and who doesn’t have a sense of family values… then all of the rings and weddings in the world are not going to save you or the wider “Black community”. That’s like gift wrapping a soiled diaper…. It’s still crap. The same goes for the kinds of relationships that many are suggesting should be bonded by marriage. The ring and marriage only serve as exquisite wrapping paper for garbage. It’s like the images of folks carrying looted TV’s in New Orleans during Katrina when there was no electricity and they needed food and water. It just does not make sense and fails to get to the heart of the problem. There are a set of fundamental priorities in Black culture that will have to change.
Black women have to take responsibility for their own choices. The Blacksnob, an extraordinary black woman and blogger pointed this out quite nicely, although indirectly - one of the few Black women online to do so. Many of the blogs run by Black women are sanctuaries for those who somehow clump all Black men together…and trash them all. But luckily there are a few who take the time to differentiate men from boys, educated men from the uneducated/less educated, the wayward player from the committed or family man, the thug from the Thomas DuBois or cleancut, and the deadbeats from the hardworking and responsible (although these men may not be in abundance).
Black women have to look at deeper issues concerning their values, the choices they are making (especially choosing bad men), etc if they want to really deal with this problem. Too many Black women see people like Beyonce (and others in Black urban circles- particularly in Hip Hop- and yes I hate them all), as their role models. They don’t understand the core underlying problem - that if Beyonce (or any other figure in that world) is your role model then you are already on the wrong track and you have some work to do. They don’t seem to understand that if they don’t fundamentally change their underlying value system and learn what to look for in a mate, then the problems are not going to go away… they will only be masked for some. If a man is a deadbeat, a cheater, doesn’t want to be a father, doesn’t have the attributes or isn’t responsible enough to be a father, then being married to you isn’t going to change those things. If you continue to choose bad men, the problems of fatherless homes will not go away. The rate of out of wedlock births might be slowed artificially (even if this NWNW effort were wildly successful), but the underlying problems of fatherlessness and Black cultural rot won’t change, because those men, who really aren’t men and really aren’t fathers, are going to leave the home situation anyway not far down the road.
Some might say… well, there aren’t enough marriageable Black men. I agree. I say, don’t be afraid to date out. I support the idea of interracial dating for Black men and women. There should be no racial barriers when it comes to dating and relationships. But even when you date out, there is still the issue of knowing how to choose a good mate. It still applies. I am annoyed by the suggestion that some Black bloggers have made that dating white men automatically equates to dating better men. I know plenty of white men who are ____heads. But will the pool be better? In all likelihood yes. The trick is…. finding those men of other racial groups who will actually want you. Look up the OKCupid survey that was done recently. This report looked at dating behavior online and broke down response rates by race. It wasn’t pretty for Black women. I will just say to that… it should be another red flag for Black women telling them that they may want to figure out why things are the way they are…why they get this kind of reaction.
Solution:
1). The solution for Black women is not that complicated. Learn how to identify a good partner to begin with. If you want a guy that you find at a nightclub or you want someone to screw around with, fine. Do that. But don’t look for the same kind of guy when you want a man who will be a good father and husband. You need a different criteria for that. You have to first understand how to identify him, and then you have to know how to get him. If you don’t know how to do it…ask your 75 year old aunt, ask your grandmother or great grandmother, spend more time around those good uncles, grandfathers…those who are more socially conservative and who are family men. No, not all are saints. But you will find more family men there to help you establish a blueprint. You won’t find him @ the nightclubs where the playboys gather.
2). Stop using Beyonce & hip hop culture as your model for anything, let alone as your model for family.
3). Take advantage of contraception and don’t take a risk with a man who isn’t your husband or soon to be.
4). Don’t flirt with pregnancy unless you know you are willing and able to be a good parent, and until you have completed college and are in a position to raise a child.
5). Women (and this is especially the case for Black women in general) are money driven, status driven creatures. The measures they often use for determining the quality of a mate are completely warped. Just because he has a nice car or plays for an NFL team….doesn’t make him a good man, let alone a good father. Stop emulating The Real Housewives & The Bachelorette (because that image isn’t a very good reflection of actual life in America).
6). Marry a man who wants to be married.
This isn’t rocket science.
Will this effort be successful? It depends on what the yardstick is for measuring success. Will it literally solve the problem of out-of-wedlock births? No. But the aim of those women who started the effort is to get a conversation going on how to deal with the problem. From The Grio:
The goal of this project or should I say movement is to force a dialogue in the black community about why this is happening and how we turn the corner on solutions that create a positive, loving and nurturing home for black children.
Regardless of the measure, I hope the effort is successful, because the intent seems to be positive. Based on the goal of getting a conversation started...it may already be a success. And I am all for efforts that are positive. Unfortunately, the young women who need to hear it/ read it, may not be reading the blogs taking part in the campaign. (If the problems pointed out were addressed and if the campaign was modified to reflect changes) It would be great if this effort could move into the schools , churches, and youth groups.... perhaps create an app for it... take the effort to where the young women are. I had been calling for something similar to this years ago... but no Black bloggers wanted to go anywhere with it at the time. And of course, my focus would have been noticeably different, as I have mentioned in this post. But I am glad someone (Black women in particular) is at least talking about doing something.
The following women = why I have had my current preferences for the past 20 years.
I didn't want to do this... Believe me, I really really didn't. I really don't care for topics pertaining to Black cultural nonsense. I would much rather write about Afghanistan, Iran, Health care, the economy, Democratic Senators announcing their retirements, my job search, my hopes for the coming year, etc...all topics where I have a Hell of a lot more interest.
I have writers block right now... and I'm also enjoying a break before my classes start again... i'm not really in blogging mode. However, I wrote a quite long and detailed commentary about the topic of the ABC/Washington Post story regarding single Black women... but later assigned it to the cutting room floor. I decided that I wouldn't post on the topic after all. Besides, the topic has been discussed and examined from just about every angle... particularly on great blogs like The Black Snob....where the discussion in the comments section was robust and had at least a little balance. But I made the mistake of strolling over to some of the Black Male Hatred blogs (those run by Black women that lump all Black men together), and the commentary was irrational and damn near unbelievable. Some of the nonsense I had to read 2 or 3 times to make sure I read it correctly. Needless to say... I allowed it to send me over the edge.
I don't want my blog to = negative material... so when possible I prefer to keep things upbeat. That's why I wanted to avoid the topic. So I won't post any of the commentary that I actually wrote... which was some pretty good stuff btw. I don't see the point of getting carpel tunnel, especially when I won't change the mind of a single person on this issue. Black women certainly aren't going to listen. I also didn't want to be accused of "attacking Black women", "throwing Black women under the Bus", "engaging in a 'piling on' against Black women", or any of the other things that you're accused of when you are critical of certain people. So instead of posting my commentary, I will post the videos that I was going to use with my text (in the order that I was going to use them). It will give you somewhat of an idea...a general picture of what I might have written or what general direction I went in. But the text had much more detail. I will include a few comments from readers of other blogs... because they really made some great points.
Just as a preface:
Disclaimer - I don't agree with everything in the following videos. But they provide some context and make good points. I agree with Paul Brunson on about 90% of the comments from his video clip. Also...Black women aren't a monolith... not all fit the picture painted by ABC. But a sizable number certainly do.... and I would say that half of "professional" Black women do to some degree (and half may be Conservative). Also... this post is not an endorsement of Steve Harvey. I'm not a huge fan of Harvey. ABC decided to put him in the segment... not me. Some of the videos have Rated R language. They aren't my videos... but they are still useful. My apologies in advance. Lastly, I will not allow comments for this post at all. End of Disclaimer.
Generally speaking, these are women who I would run from as fast as I could. Even if I could afford them, they would not be the kinds of women who I would pursue. There is something especially empty about these women. They commodify themselves, as well as men. It's almost as if they market themselves as items for sale. Everything in their world is thought of in the context of money and material things. Granted... most women (across race and culture) judge men based on money, career, title, etc.... It's part of the female DNA. It's a biological thing. That's why I have never approached a woman and won't be dating again until I am earning in the neighborhood of $50,000.00 a year (the amount of money required for a man to be considered viable in American society). Hope to earn that amount in my 40's... and maybe i'll start a family then. Right now i'm a Grad student who earns roughly half that amount (considered pathetic). But it seems to be more of an issue to some women. This is what I have noticed in my 36 years in this _____ed up world. And I have noticed that the modern Black culture especially (which I don't ascribe to, thankfully) is more identified with this sort of superficial mindset.
The gaping hole.... their emptiness is so vast that you almost miss it if you aren't paying attention. Notice how "Love", "Character" (of the man), "Values", ideas like the value of hard work, you know...things of substance... none of these things get much of a mention .... Hell, some of these items aren't mentioned at all in the entire segment. So in other words... it was what wasn't said.... it was what was missing, that actually spoke the loudest to me about these people. What the ____? I guess I was the only one who noticed.
But it begs the question.... are these women even aware of what a good man is? Are they even aware of the attributes to look for to identify an actual man? So, they dated thugs in their twenties.... and NOW they want an actual man. hmmm. Not the case for all....but certainly the case for many of these ladies. The segment also didn't mention children. I'm willing to bet my right arm that at least some of these women from the segment or from the Washington Post story have children. I personally would not be interested in someone with children...and I wouldn't date anyone who has dated shady men before...in other words...women who are with or have been with thugs (this says a lot about her character...her judgment ....her ability to make good decisions.). And here's another clue for the boneheads among us.... If you are looking for men in nightclubs (actual men)... you might not get very far. Try to find another setting (school, church, hobby group, trusted word of mouth, the coffee shop, the local park/dog park, private function, volunteer group, quality online service, grocery store...and make the first move/go for what you want). I, for one, have never been to any stupid nightclubs. Stop imitating the women from The Real Housewives series! That is not what good, educated men (family men) are looking for. There are a good number of well-to-do men, and playboys who will look for these kinds of women...just for a fling... just for a piece or for a trophy wife (if you live off of your looks.. God help you)...but good, decent family men will see right through you and will either pass you up, or use you for what you are willing to give him, until he can find a women who makes the grade as a potential wife. We don't like the b.s. (especially the nonsense on 'The Real Housewives'). We want to come home to a peaceful household at the end of the day. Home = the castle...even if it's just a modest Apt.
These are the same women who laughed at the nerdy Black boys in school....and teased them for the way they talked (this was the case for me)... meanwhile they chased the jocks, playboys, and gang bangers (yes... thugs, packaged for prison). By High School, I had realized that my preferences were different anyway.
I prefer, Asian, Latina, or White women (can be average looking) w/ degree who are more on the geek side...and have more of a socially conservative view. Someone who shares my values and who understands (and appreciates) the value of hard work...and appreciates the sweat that goes into earning a dollar. Yes...these women may be hard for me (a Black guy) to get largely because of my race...(thanks to the beautiful job that the so-called "Black community" has done in presenting a positive Black male image)...but i'll take my chances. Why put up with that kind of stress...when there is something better elsewhere that may allow me to have lower blood pressure, lol?
Somehow the value of hard work...an honest days work... appreciating the value of a dollar, putting things like Love, Loyalty, Character, Romance, etc....ahead of material & money has been lost in Black Culture over the past 20 years. These concepts used to be important... Go back to the 1950's and 60's... a Black man who worked in a factory...worked at the post office, or served in the military and took care of his family was just as loved and cherished as the Doctor or the business man... at least by his own family. Hell...some of these men were better men....better fathers. They were once the pillars of Black culture. Black women weren't always this way. Don't feed me that bullshit. Coretta Scott didn't marry Dr. King for money.... in fact, he didn't have much in the way of material wealth. There was no way she could have known what was in store..the road that they would travel. Dr. King wasn't even a household name in 1953 when he married Scott (at her parents house). He wasn't even nationally known. And when he died he didn't have a boatload of money. The same goes for many women of that time- there were many Coretta Scott's.
But today you have all sorts of nonsense going on.... $30,000, $40,000, $50,000, and $100,000 weddings...money that could be used for something else. (and if a man can't provide the Platinum wedding and the $500,000 home..he's not good enough).
Too good to talk to the letter carrier? Too good to talk to the Limo driver? Too good to talk to the security officer? Too good to talk to the school teacher? Too good to talk to the utility worker?
Modern Black culture has screwed up the brains of these women.... they want to live the lives of the Black celebs that they see on Television.... like BET (Black Exploitation Television) and the like; a subculture that is just as empty as they are. These are the kinds of women who I would tell to go to Hell (and would enjoy telling them).
I guess i'm more shocked at the idea that these women don't have a clue as to why they are in the situation they are in. Hopefully...one might get a clue from this blog. But would it do any good?.... probably not.
(No the above isn't from my actual commentary....just a preface to the videos. Yes...I wrote more than I wanted to...but my actual post was much longer.)
Paul Brunson
The 49th Car - Rated R. Clearly these women don't know about the 49th Car. They are never taught this as girls, unfortunately.
Examples of the 49th car are abundant... MLK = the 49th Car, Bill Gates = the 49th car, and numerous more moderate examples are around us all the time. I suspect (and hope) that I, The Angry Independent = the 49th car.
This video was done by a youtuber w/ a white wife who constantly has to deal with the backlash. I don't endorse his language.... and I don't agree with some of his points & comments. But his broader point is useful for this post.
49th Car, Part II
Comments from The Black Snob's blog (won't post screen names): All Great Points.
#1). You just hit the nail on the head. I keep talking about how so much of this dialogue goes back to gender roles. There's plenty of men who are out there, looking, and in alot of ways are mirror images of these women in terms of their circumstances. Yet the male gender role says that if a man is out there, he needs to figure out what he's doing wrong, make corrections, and keep trying. The female gender role doesn't really prescribe that sort of introspection and self-critique to the same extent that it does men. So then you get all these women, or at least a portrayal, who are basically just whining and not looking for ANY answers/solutions within.
I hope the culture at large starts to force women to figure out what they may be doing wrong if they find themselves unhappily single (not be confused with women who are singel adn cool with it.) It's been a solid 25 years of this and it got tired sometime around the Very Special Episode of Different Strokes.
#2). Until recently,(I'm ashamed to admit) I was beginning to think that I wasn't attractive enough to get a man. I was beginning to think that I was invisible to single men within my age group and with whom I share an educational background. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
Now I see things in a different light. First, if the women in this video don't have mates then something else must be afoot because they are all beautiful and accomplished.(ding ding ding ding!) Second, I realize that maybe, deep down, I cherish my independence and freedom too much to want to share with anyone. I like who I am with all my quirks and I don't want to change. Why should I? Add to that, relationship people (you're the type who always speak in terms of "we") really annoy me. And married women who feel that the goal in life is to get a man marry them, just are not my type of people.
Now I don't feel bad about turning down the brother in accounts who smokes a pack a day, has bad teeth and 2 kids and 2 baby mamas.
This clip really gives me more to think about
#3). Perspective from a middle class black dude: Something about the women in the clip to me said "you need more people." The one with the green eyes who started off looking for a 6'5" dude is NOT representative of an avg. blk woman looking for a good blk man. She started off looking for a dude in the league and now that that didn't pan out, she's moving down the roster. The cheerleader with the Benz and the excessive extracurriculars also seemed like her lifestyle was very status-based. There was this whole black Sex and the City kind of vibe to the whole thing. Lots of champagne glasses clinking and fabulous designer lifestyles and such, but very little in the way of anything that would make a man more interested in being with any of them day in and day out and raising a family with them.
Besides that, They did this in Atlanta, which is a city whose culture is so flashy and surface-oriented, they should just rename it East Las Vegas.
#4). There are plenty of men looking to be taken care of. That goes for women as well. I am not talking about those people. I am not talking about dead beat men or gold digging women. I am talking about law abiding, socially adjusted men. And the point of the earlier post is to say ambition is relative. When does one get enough? At what point does a person become content. With more possessions and the pursuit of possessions come more headaches. Most men see this. It is not the acquisition of "things" that many men are put off by. It is the trouble you have to go through to gain and maintain them. At some point the means just don't justify the ends anymore.
I know plenty of brothers who choose to drive older model used cars. They could go on any BMW lot and drive off with a new luxury car if they wanted. But when you calculate the cost of the note (or lease payment), the increased insurance, and maintenance (getting it detailed every week, etc.) many just don't think it’s worth it. Is that a lack of ambition? Or is it financial intelligence? What if they have hobbies that are personally fulfilling they would rather put that money toward? Are they losers? What if they want to retire early? It’s kind of hard to do that if you are living at the top of your means for most of your professional life.
I thank God I have a wife that understands that I refuse to kill myself just to have a shiny new car, some overpriced brand name clothes, and the faux lifestyle of the wanna be rich and "successful". I thank God she doesn't think an overpriced handbag is in any way an indicator of personal or professional success. But I got lucky. I found a woman whose values match mine. Matching values and views of success between men and women are becoming more of the expectation now.
Instead of whining.... why not date men of other ethnic groups? I agree that Black men (in many ways) have failed. There may not be enough eligible Black men....(even if these Black women had realistic expectations). So why not date other men? Who says that Black men should be their only choice? That's crazy. One problem could be that men of other ethnic groups see some of the same problems. Hmmm Here, the above youtuber is going over the numbers from the recent online dating survey (which is a pretty revealing report). It examined dating patterns/online behavior and included the race of the participants. But even with that... I still support the idea of Black women broadening their horizons. Although I also understand that there are plenty of women who don't want to get married.
But it doesn't surprise me.... in fact, it would be a surprise if he weren't attacked for this. That's what you can always expect from the so-called "Black Community"... I expect nothing less.
But somehow Black women can't see the forest for the trees... they can't see how unattractive this makes them look. They don't get it.
You would think that the fact that so many are single would lead them to some sort of self reflection.... but nope.... they continue the path down the same rat hole at an even faster pace. Despite their marriage rates being at the bottom, there is no change in their line of thinking whatsoever. They never see the possibility that perhaps they could change how they see the World or that they could change how they do things.... No. It's never about them. The problems are always with someone else. Of course, this thought process leads to a situation where there is seldom any self reflection, improvement/correction, etc...and the cycle never stops.
I try to avoid this particular topic...but this was annoying.
A congregation of splendid hats. Hats are a tradition in black churches. On Palm Sunday at West Angeles Church of God in Christ in South L.A., the pews blossomed with fabulous creations. By Karen Grigsby Bates April 12, 2009
This is going to date me, but it's true: When I was young, most black ladies wore hats to church. Easter was the true beginning of spring, the day when hats in spring colors blossomed throughout the congregation: yellow, peach, mint, lilac, pink. Even if the weather wasn't cooperating, the hats came out. At my home church, Dixwell Avenue Congregational in frosty New Haven, Conn., it wasn't unusual to see a lady wearing her spring finery beneath her mink coat. It might have been barely 50 degrees, but it was Easter, and the hats were coming out.
Although the world has gotten much more casual in the intervening decades, and sadly, hats are far less ubiquitous, hat culture remains alive and well in many of the nation's black churches. On Palm Sunday in South L.A., the pews of West Angeles Church of God in Christ were splashed with plenty of color: broad brims in coral, pink and cream trimmed in ribbons and flowers; lampshade profiles in aqua and pistachio; and high-hat toppers in dusty rose, trimmed in lace and festooned with silk flowers. The black hats were anything but basic: The equestrienne top hat sparkled with tiny crystals on its crown and net veil, and the brim of one magnificent upturned glazed straw had a sunburst pattern of gold threading and crystal baguettes that perfectly echoed the gold and silver threading on the cuffs of the wearer's St. John knit suit.
It was a rich sample of the fashionable display in many of the city's black churches, though perhaps on a slightly larger scale -- West Angeles is one of the biggest Protestant churches in the region. Its 24,000 members attend one of three services each Sunday, and its bishop, Charles Blake, is about to be installed as the presiding bishop for the Church of God in Christ, the fourth-largest Pentecostal denomination in the United States. The bishop says, "all are welcome. We don't care how you dress, we just care that you come." But most people come dressed up because they want to. And many of the women -- old, young and in between -- wear hats. Serious hats.
The first lady of West Angeles, Mae Blake, understands their passion: She started wearing hats when she was in elementary school.
"I think I was about 7 when this was taken," she says with a smile, showing a black-and-white photo of a little girl in a dark suit with white collar and cuffs, a small hat perched on her head. That was the first hat she can remember, and it started a tradition that's lasted for decades. "I don't wear hats just on Sunday," she emphasizes. "For me, hats are a way of life. I grew up seeing them worn every day as a part of a polished, well-coordinated look."
But Sunday hats, she admits, have always been important. Growing up, "I was taught that Sundays were special days where I honored God by presenting my best, as just one reflection of a larger style of worship." She understands that times have changed, and, echoing her husband, she's careful to note that "I don't at all feel that Sunday dress -- extravagant or very casual -- is an indication of your level of devotion to God." For her, though, there's delight as well as devotion in selecting her Sunday best.
Rest of article at link above.
I admit, part of going to church any Sunday was to see the creativity of Black women in expressing themselves through hats.
Thugs and the Black Women Who Love Them - Singer Rihanna Beaten to a Bloody Pulp.
She wanted a thug, but I guess she didn't know that "Thug Luvin'" comes with a price. Will these women ever learn?
See my two previous posts on this subject. Part I and Part II.
Black girl lusts after Thug/Bad Boy -- Thug/Bad Boy beats or mistreats girl -- Wash, rinse, repeat.
How many times have we heard this story? This storyline has become all too common and you would think that it would serve as a lesson and warning to these women. Apparently the R&B singer Rihanna was brutally beaten to a bloody pulp over the weekend in LA. The suspect turned out to be her boyfriend... Hip Hop/R&B performer Chris Brown. From the reports... the injuries to this young woman were "horrific". Her face & head were apparently left swollen and bruised. This is not your ordinary domestic violence case... this woman was damn near beaten to death.
Rihanna suffers from the same disease that so many other young Black women (probably the majority) suffer from - The Bad Boy Disease. You could also call it... "Thug Addiction". But more often than not, the Chickens eventually come home to roost for these women. We are only hearing about this case because Rihanna is a "Star". But this is becoming more and more common, especially in minority communities. And of course they want the world to feel sorry for them. But I have a hard time feeling sorry for women who seek these men out...who lust for the bad boys and the thugs.
Rihanna expresses her love for thugs with her song "There's A Thug In My Life".
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Youtubers Try to Make Sense of "The Race to the Bottom"
These last two videos are of lesser quality but seem to somehow get to the same point. The language used is not the language that I would use...but this is how these issues are discussed in the so-called "Black Community"....in the barber shops....in the privacy of people's homes, etc. So please forgive the language. (Rated R).
4. A Male asks "Why do Black women (some) lust after thugs"...and he poses the question to a female acquaintance.... where he's actually going with this.. i'm not sure...but he seems to make his point.
5. Even a thug asks... WTF? The Angry Independent Does Not Support all of the Comments of This Youtuber.
No, i'm not into blaming the victim... but these women (in most cases) make a choice to be with these men... despite all the evidence that the bad boy thing is really no good. Some might say that Chris Brown is not a "thug" (that's a common response from Black women/girls... their point of reference on what a good man is tends to be so skewed that they end up with this warped idea of what a decent man looks like. Many don't have a point of reference at all...and so they end up defending these guys, not understanding what they are defending). You don't necessarily need a rap sheet like Charles Manson to be a Bad Boy. I always thought Chris Brown was a thug... no... not hardcore like the worst of what's out there... but if it quacks like a Duck, walks like a Duck, looks like a Duck... then it's probably a Duck. He has all the mannerisms... and keep in mind... he's a 19 year old... he hasn't had much of a chance to get started yet... With young men...you are looking at...how are they treating young women... what lyrics are they using... how do they behave around their mothers and so forth. I saw this young man's behavior around his mother on one TV program... not so good...foul language...threatening behavior, etc...and this was when he was about 17 years old...he exhibited all the behavior of "The Thug". I know a lot of women find that attractive... but how much evidence has to accumulate before it sinks in that this is not the way to go?
I am not a fan of either of these "entertainers". I hate their music...and I don't care for the Hip Hop/R&B genre. I especially hate the Beyonce clones. I usually don't care about what goes on in the Black Hollywood gutter culture of Hip Hop. But this problem of women and thugs, especially Black women and thugs is a social sickness and there seems to be no end in sight for it. My "Black Women and the Race to the Bottom" argument or theory is constantly being proven with one example after another. This is a teachable moment because this singer, Robyn Fenty, is a role model for tens of thousands of young women, young minority women in particular, who emulate her. That includes my 20 year old baby sister. Since this is so high profile... it's a teachable moment that shouldn't go to waste.
The teachable moment could be that lusting for the thugs and the bad boys comes with a price and that price isn't worth it. Another lesson here is that young women shouldn't protect their thug boyfriends by not cooperating with police, or by accepting criminal charges for these men, by covering for the illegal activities of these men, etc... (something all too common for young women in the so-called "Black Community").
If the reports about Rihanna refusing to cooperate with Police & not pressing charges are true, then it's just another example of how these women send the wrong message to the young women (and Black males) who emulate them and look up to them. Luckily in the State of California (if i'm not mistaken) it may not be necessary for the woman...or victim in a domestic violence case such as this (with visible injuries) to file charges. The State can actually become the complainant if the victim refuses to press charges.
And why are these teachable moments always squandered? Why is it that lessons are never learned from these incidents? This is especially true for young Black women. These lessons never seem to work...in fact, the "Black Community" seldom frames these incidents as teachable moments...as examples of what to avoid, who to avoid, what not to do, etc. Why is that?
The message to young Black women...from older Black women should be ... NO it is not o.k. to seek and lust after these men. NO Black women should not desire these men. NO it is not o.k. for Rihanna or any other women to try to cover for their thug boyfriends. NO a man should never hit a woman...this IS NOT o.k. NO Rihanna or any other woman should not protect their thug boyfriends from the law. THIS IS NOT O.K.
NO it is not o.k. for Rihanna or any other young woman to obstruct Police when they are trying to lock these ***holes up. But the message from Black women = **crickets chirping**. Unfortunately, young Black women get the opposite message from the Rihanna's every time something like this happens. And it seems to happen about once a week... either nationally or locally. There is always a story with the same general script.... a script repeated all over the Country. And it's poison for "Black Communities".
So I don't think this particular lesson will be taken to heart by young Black women, because there are so many of these lessons on a regular basis and they never seem to work. It will be another teachable moment wasted in the "Black Community". In fact, there seems to be a strange & almost opposite impact. The worse these men are, the more desired and attractive they become in some cases. I am willing to bet that Chris Brown's career won't suffer all that much from this incident. And I am also willing to bet that BET and the NAACP will find something to honor Chris Brown for post-beating. He'll still be a Black hero. Mark my words. Because this never fails to hold true. His chances for more NAACP recognition just went up.... not down. *Sigh* (Wishing that the Goddamn NAACP would go away as an entity... It has morphed into something that DuBois didn't have in mind).
The issue of the Bad Boy is a problem in all ethnic groups... but it's especially strong with Black women. This problem is one of the primary reasons why I don't identify with modern Black culture and it is why my dating preference tends to be White, Asian women, etc. Of course Black women who prefer these men are not for me... that doesn't leave much left in that dating pool, considering that so many women tend to fit that mold. But the pickings are not much better with White and Asian women... because they tend to prefer White males. Even the decent Black women... those who I would consider... tend to date White men exclusively (I have seen this first-hand at least twice... finding out that the Black women who caught my eye dated White men only). So this largely explains why I have always been single... and will likely continue to be single..and will probably die alone. lol Yippee.... Being a Black man in America is just wonderful. (kill me now please).
I was listening to an interview on Public Radio the other day... I believe it was Tavis Smiley's PRI program... and the topic was the Grammy's. When the discussion turned to the rapper "Little Wayne" (?) you could hear how excited the Black woman being interviewed became (I thought she was having an orgasm). It sounded as if she was talking about the greatest thing in the World.
Listen as Black women attempt to make excuses for Chris Brown and attempt to soften his image...while discouraging the victim from pressing criminal charges. This is from NPR's News and Notes program (Feb. 11th).
Pay attention to their talking points...
1. "We don't know what sparked it". (as if that has anything to do with anything..... as if whatever the disagreement was about made it o.k. for a man to hit a woman).
2. Chris Brown is an angel....poor Chris Brown.
3. It could have been Rihanna's fault. Perhaps she was the aggressor. Women can be quite violent.
4. This is not as brutal as it was made out to be. The victim is not THAT hurt.
5. Suggesting that Rihanna shouldn't press charges. (sending the wrong message to young women everywhere).
6. What is Chris Brown's side of the story? It's of the utmost importance that we hear from Chris Brown. (unbelievable).
Listen to discussions between NPR's Allison Samuels, Marvet Britto, and Paris Finner-Williams (a domestic violence specialist.......whatever).
There will be no comments for this posting. I am tired of defending common sense. I am tired of trying to hold a debate with crazy Black folks on this issue. I am tired of attempting to have a discussion with Black women who defend certain kinds of behavior, a certain lifestyle..certain values... etc. There's just no point in doing that anymore. I'm tired of the nonsense.
Black Women And The Race To The Bottom: Will the Fascination With the Bad Boy/Thug Ever Begin to Wane?And How Are Black Celebrity Women Contributing To This Problem?
Does their position as validators, legitimizers and apologists for a destructive culture harm young women (and young men) and drag down the Race? I don’t think there is any question that their role is and has been harmful. The question is…. how harmful has it been and can their influence be curtailed?
There is all sorts of data that suggests that the Rap industry and the Rap culture are problems for "Black America". (1)(2)(3) Even Black youth see it as such. Yet the Black culture, especially its women, continues to embrace it, even though it is a culture that degrades the image of young Black women (and literally dehumanizes Black men to the point where they are seen as animals).
Over the last several years I have noticed the trend of famous Black women…. Women who are role models to thousands, who seem to be attracted to Bad Boys…. Those who represent a negative Black male image. An image that only helps to perpetuate negative stereotypes. What has this done to the Black image as a whole? Black women in particular seem to be afflicted especially hard by this sickness (The Bad Boy disease). I don’t believe that this is a coincidence.
This is a part II of a commentary from back in 2006 entitled "Why Are Women Attracted to Thugs". I think we are now far beyond the question of whether this is a problem. Clearly there is a certain narrow image of the Black male that has been mainstreamed. So I want to raise the questions of how and why it has happened.
The image of the Black Bad Boy “thug” has become enormously popular over the last decade, largely due to the impact of the Black celebrity culture and its acceptance by the larger American celebrity culture. But something else has catapulted this negative Black male image into mainstream acceptance- Black women…or “women of color”. (Can’t forget about those like Jennifer Lopez who blur the lines and straddle two or more worlds at once). But this is a problem instigated especially by Black celebrity women. These celebrities (more than any other group in my opinion) have popularized the “thug” male image, and the “Rap Culture” with its negative & damaging value system.
The vast majority of Black female Pop stars & actresses either currently date Rap stars or have dated them at some point in their careers. It has pretty much become the norm to see Black or minority female stars dating the hot rapper of the moment, or the producers or the so-called “moguls” of the industry (translation- thugs who happen to have the most money in the industry). In fact, it is rare for Black celebrity women not to be with someone who personifies the “thug”. I’d say many of the women do it for the same reasons that Gold diggers seek the financially well-off alpha-male- they see them as a meal ticket perhaps. In the case of celeb women…. These men could represent some sort of boost to their careers. Sometimes, simply for the controversy and publicity created from the public relationship. This is not the case for all…but I suspect that it is the case for some. I have a term for these women.... but I will refrain from using that language here.
But who pays the brunt of the consequences for these celebrity relationships? Certainly the celebrity women themselves don’t carry the weight of all the social problems created by the trends that they set. These women have the money and the means and all the safety nets to avoid the pitfalls that come out of the “thug life”. And actually…I have read that many of the so-called “Bad Boys” are really not as bad as the images that they portray…and they too have the safety nets to avoid the real pitfalls that come from the lifestyle that they promote. So who is paying the price? Ordinary, everyday young Black women (and young men) who end up emulating the thug image personified and perpetuated by their superstar role models (and yes, these people are role models whether we like it or not…that argument is a dead one). Lakisha doesn’t have the safety net. So why in the Hell are Black celebrity women promoting this lifestyle?
The impact of this phenomenon is twofold:
#1. These women help to sanitize & validate this negative Black Male image. They send the message to the rest of the so called “Black Community” (I hate that term because it suggests that Blacks are a monolith…but for the sake of discussion) that this Black male image is harmless, is acceptable and in fact, it should be seen as the ideal. This is why thousands of Black boys from urban communities & beyond, aspire to be rappers, and why young minority women want to embrace the Hip Hop/Rapper thug culture and aspire to be with men who carry this persona, despite the damage that it has done to Black women. That in itself is fascinating to me.
#2. These women help to establish the ideal image of Black men and set the trend for young Black women in the wider community. Black youth, especially young Black women- emulate what they see in the celebrity world. …everything from fashion, makeup, hair, music, and what kind of male is hot or ideal. Black men are almost like a fashion accessory for some women, particularly a certain kind of Black male. This is particularly the case in a Black culture where parenting is lacking and where youth are being raised by the Television and by the Rap culture.
Some may say (usually apologists for the degenerate Black Rap culture) that the “Bad Boy” is also popular in society in general. There are many White women who prefer these men as well. And I will agree with that to a point. Women have been attracted to s---heads since the beginning of time. It’s biological. “Bad Boy” traits are often mistaken for strength, power, & confidence…all markers that women pick up on that suggests a strong male. But women often can’t make the distinction between good examples of male strength & confidence and bad examples of the same. Their hormones cause all kinds of confusion. This is how women go for criminals, drug dealers, playboys, etc. The comment that I often get from women is that these men make good protectors. But these women fail to realize that these men can’t protect them or be good fathers from the grave or a prison cell.
Yes the wider society has this problem but it does not have the same impact on the larger society- particularly on the White society, as it does for “communities of color”. The larger white society has many more positive images of white men & women (white men in particular). There is much more of a balance in terms of images. In contrast, the negative Black male thug image has become the predominant image of Black men, both within so-called Black culture & within the wider society. When people see me walking by (esp. Whites) & they don’t know me…they don’t see Dr. Ben Carson, nor do they see any positive potential I may have. Instead, they see the “Hip Hop” TV image & everything negative that has become associated with the Black male. This is the case even though there is nothing about me that says “Hip Hop”, criminal, thug, etc. I don’t dress Hip Hop, nor do I speak Hip Hop. I have come to despise the Hip Hop /Rap culture, yet, because I’m Black, I cannot escape being associated with it in terms of perception.
(I don't want to read any nonsense about Kim Kardashian being White... i'm well aware of that fact). The fact that these women help to perpetuate, sanitize, & legitimize this image drives me crazy. It seems as though most of the negative stereotypes that harm Blacks today are perpetuated by those of the same ethnic group. Black Hip Hop culture has become a laughing stock nationwide, providing fodder for non-Black Americans who enjoy seeing their racist predispositions reinforced by the images and lifestyles that they see promoted in popular culture (mostly by Blacks.... not whites... there is no need for Blackface minstrel shows today...Black folks have that job covered). Basically these women are helping to perpetuate their own degradation in many cases, and certainly the degradation of the image of Black women as a whole. By bolstering the status of men who symbolize the thug or Bad Boy, these women send the wrong message to their counterparts in the general community.
Now this undercuts the arguments of Black women who complain about the treatment that they get from such men. On one hand, they complain about maltreatment from the thug/Bad Boy community, yet these are the kinds of men who these women (for the most part) seem to pursue time and time again. In the world of glaring contradictions, this one is near the top. Like the Black women who complain about their negative image in the degenerate Hip Hop culture, yet they continue to court men who are steeped in that very same culture, and continue to buy the music that supports the rap entertainers who they are complaining about.
This represents one of the fundamental underlying problems that I have with Black women & women in general. In High School & College I never bothered to pursue the opposite sex. I noticed that the young women around me (particularly Black women) always seemed to go for the jocks, thugs, the troublemakers, the gang members…and the wannabe Rap stars. Any guy who was concerned about actual schoolwork, came to class everyday, took notes, etc.. was most often seen as boring and socially unattractive. That seemed to be the easiest way to ensure that you would be ignored by young Black women in school- carry lots of books. It acted as a repellent to Black women, although I didn’t intend it to be as such. It wasn’t until years later that I got a better understanding of this or realized why it happened. I saw the same pattern in adulthood, only worse. I also came to realize that if I ever wanted a partner, that I may have to look outside of the Race….even though that is something that I don’t necessarily want to do as a purpose driven thing. But it may become necessary. It may be my only option once I start to date seriously (after I reach financial viability… only God knows when that will be). As much as I want to love Black women…. I have too many issues with the culture….so many that I don’t see Black women as the most dateable. It goes back to the issues that I have mentioned… Black women who are racing to the bottom with the kinds of choices they are making, particularly with men….ultimately dragging the Race down the tubes.
This is why I call this phenomenon “The Race To The Bottom”. Women (especially Black women) seem to be making exceptionally poor choices in terms of what kinds of men they seek. And it’s not all women out there. But it is certainly a large portion - I will go out on a limb and say that it is a majority, although it may be a slight majority. Many women, particularly in minority communities, seem to be after the lowest common denominator. The impact is that it is slowly but surely harming the Race. These kinds of bad choices are a main factor, in my view, behind the breakdown of the “Black Family”- lack of fathers in the home, the out-of-wedlock births, low marriage rate, etc.
This situation of men choosing the “Bad Boy” image (because they think this is what women like), and women choosing to be with these men is such a normal practice that it’s as if this is a Right of Passage.
The Hovey Street Murders
A few months ago a horrible mass murder of two young Black women & their babies took place in Indianapolis, Indiana. The incident became known as “The Hovey Street Murders”, and is famous nationwide (Look it up for detailed background or follow the links provided below).
One of the young women was a resident in the home, and the other was simply a visitor, at the wrong place at the wrong time, although I’m sure that she knew what was going on at the home. A group of armed thugs barged into the house through a bedroom window and brutally gunned down the 4 victims in cold blood…as the women begged for their lives and the lives of their babies. The motive? The thugs were hoping to steal money and drugs from the home. The house on Hovey Street was a known drug location. One of the victims resided in the home with her drug dealer boyfriend who was not there at the time. This young lady was apparently aware of what was taking place in the home, and was likely a willing participant in the drug activity along with her boyfriend. (link 6)(link 7)
I felt sick inside after reading about this case. Of course I felt sorry for the victims, especially the children. But I also noticed that there was a lot of misdirected blame taking place…. That only the home invading monsters had a hand in the demise of these 4 victims. I simply wanted to suggest that the blame for these incidents (which play like a broken record in “Black Communities” all across the Country) can’t be laid at one doorstep. I simply wanted to mention that, although they were victims here and didn’t deserve this ending, the young women shared at least some blame for the positions they placed themselves & their children in.
When I raised the issue of choices & personal responsibility on a fellow bloggers site, suggesting that the adult female (I’m purposely leaving names out) who lived in the Hovey Street home bore at least some responsibility for putting her life & her baby’s life in such danger, as well as the lives of her friend and the other child, I was absolutely vilified. Vilified for even making the suggestion that Black women shared any responsibility whatsoever (not for being harmed…but for knowingly putting themselves in such dangerous positions where the risk of harm is high). One of the Black bloggers (a female) stated that “The victim was just doing what she had to do… we shouldn’t blame her for that”….and she was part of a chorus of Black women who dismissed my statement as an attempt to blame the victims and to side with the thug animals who targeted the house- an idea that couldn’t be farther from the truth….anyone who has read my postings long enough knows better. If you’ve read some of my creative suggestions for dealing with criminals, thugs, & rappers…you would probably get the urge to contact the authorities. But I swear…all of these measures would be legal and just (if I were in charge). (Just kidding). But many of the responses were discouraging. But it wasn’t surprising that the attacks came from Black women.
I raised the issue because I hear/read about such tragic stories constantly. It seems as though there is a similar story played out each week, either locally in my hometown (The St. Louis Metro Area) or nationwide. Frankly I’m tired of reading about the same stories over and over again. I knew ahead of time that I would be attacked by Black women for bringing up the issue of choices that women make which place them (and their children) at serious risk. As I have stated, this lifestyle has been so accepted & embraced and has become so much of the “norm”, particularly for Black communities, that it is a Right of Passage- so much so that many young women see nothing wrong with the choices made by the Hovey Street victim who placed herself, her child, and her friends in danger. They (Black women) don’t even recognize and/or refuse to acknowledge that raising a baby in a drug house is even an issue. Half of the young Black women who responded to my comments about choices saw no problem whatsoever with the idea of a young Black woman dating a known drug dealer & raising a baby in that kind of environment. (A Right of Passage).
To most people in the wider non-Black society, such a situation - a baby being raised in a drug house- would be viewed without question as appalling, deplorable & unacceptable. They would balance their rage- expressing empathy for the victims, but also calling into question the choices made by at least one of the women. That’s the normal response to such a tragedy. And this is all I wanted- a balance…an acknowledgement that this was not right. But no. Not according to at least half of the Black women who participated in the discussion. They immediately made excuses for the women….and demonized ALL Black males…as animals. Somehow I allowed myself to be personally offended by that…. Because I get enough of that in the general society….simply for being a Black guy.
According to these women, the young lady from Hovey Street bore little if any responsibility for the increased risk she found herself in. I believe this condition of normalization & acceptance of this kind of lifestyle…the mainstreaming of it, has had a numbing affect on these women. They can’t even recognize that the situation was wrong, that the choices were harmful and they can’t even empathize with the babies on that basis. The women in this case (and similar cases) are seen by Black women as helpless victims, not smart enough to make good choices, as women who should not be expected to be held accountable for anything. First we had the pre-women’s Suffrage era, when women were essentially seen as helpless, unintelligent, dependant on men, and even seen as the private property of men. Then we went through the Suffrage era of the late 1800’s - the 20’s and 30’s when women gained more independence, more legal rights, gained control of their own bodies, and gained the right to vote. Then we went through the Women’s Liberation Movement of the 60’s and 70’s. Then to the empowerment, independence and equality that women worked to establish in the 80’s and 90’s. And now in the 2000’s we are back to Pre-Suffrage times, when women were not responsible for their actions, were helpless, were taken care of by men and couldn’t make their own decisions. At least that is what some people would like us to believe. On one hand, women (especially Black women) want to be seen as strong, independent, smart, and responsible, but on the other hand they want to be seen as helpless damsels who can’t possibly be responsible for the decisions they make. What is really happening here is that these women want it both ways.
What I am getting at is that this issue is like the elephant in the room.
People want to ignore the issue of legitimization and validation of this negative Black male image, and the role that some women are playing it in. People want to gloss over the consequences that this is having on Black youth and on society as a whole. And it’s an image that is just as harmful to Black men as it is to Black women. Black women are helping to create & prop up this negative image…of the kind of man that they claim is harmful to them.
Do you believe that Black Hollywood (particularly its women) are playing a harmful role in encouraging young women to seek the wrong image in a mate? Do they promote the wrong image of Black men? Is this trend harmful to the “Black Family”?
And why are Black women so reluctant to criticize other Black women on this issue? Why are they so reluctant to point out the negative role that some Black women are playing in the deterioration of the Black social condition? This kind of criticism seems almost taboo. Instead, Black women (some, not all) seem to defend & make excuses for certain behaviors of other Black women that are helping to destroy the Race.
I understand that there is a need to love these women as a way of helping them, but you can’t get to the point of helping them when no one wants to point out what the negative behaviors and choices are. Without identifying them, and acknowledging them, the problems cannot be corrected. Black folks are in a serious state of denial on many of these issues.
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UPDATE:R. Kelly Getting Support from Black Women, Even His Victims.
Child rapist R. Kelly gets support from an unlikely (but somehow not surprising) source- Black Women. It seems that the victim in this case, along with her mother, have been bought out by R. Kelly. The victim now claims that she is not the girl on the tape. Obviously, with all the time that was allowed to elapse between the videotaping and the trial, R. Kelly has been able to influence the victim.
As if that's not bad enough, Kelly has a loyal group of cheerleaders who attend the trial, some being so "supportive" that they disrupt the proceedings. Who are they? Black women. The scene described in the Courtroom literally mimics the Boondocks episode which featured the trial....with mindless Black folks rooting for Kelly.
So now it is o.k. to rape underage Black girls....as long as you are wealthy and you can buy the girls and their mothers? When did Black women (and Black families) begin this practice of literally putting their daughters up for sale?
NBC NIGHTLY NEWS WITH BRIAN WILLIAMS SPECIAL FIVE-PART SERIES TO AIR BEGINNING ON MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26
New York, N.Y. – November 15, 2007 – Throughout the week of November 26, "NBC News With Brian Williams" will take a look at the issues facing African-American women across our nation in a new series "African-American Women: Where They Stand." The series will cover a wide-range of issues from their role in the '08 Presidential race, to the increased health-risks that they need to be concerned about.
Monday's installment will discuss African-American women's progress in the education field. Nearly two-thirds of African-American undergraduates are women. At black colleges, the ratio of women to men is 7 to 1. And that is leading to a disparity in the number of African-American women who go on to own their own businesses. Rehema Ellis will talk to educators, students and businesswomen about why this disparity exists.
Tuesday, Ellis will look at relationships within the African-American female community. Many agree the gender disparity in education and business among African-Americans is having an effect on relationships that African American women have. Some even say the implications could redefine "Black America's family and social structure." In the past fifty years, the percentage of African-American women between 25-54 who have never been married has doubled from 20% to 40%. (Compared to just 16% of white women who have never been married today). Ellis sits down with the members of a Chicago book club and talk about this difference and how it impacts them.
Dr. Nancy Snyderman will discuss the increases risks for breast cancer for African-American women on Wednesday. Mortality rates for African-American women are higher than any other racial or ethnic group for nearly every major cause of death, including breast cancer. Black women with breast cancer are nearly 30% more likely to die from it than white women. Premenopausal black women are more than twice as likely to get a more aggressive form of the disease. And, not only are African-American women more likely to die from breast cancer, but they're less likely to get life-saving treatments. Dr. Snyderman will profile one of the only oncologists in the world who specializes in the treatment of African-American women with breast cancer.
On Thursday, Ron Allen will take viewers to South Carolina -- the first southern primary state -- and ask the question: Will race trump gender or gender trump race? In South Carolina, black women made up nearly 30 percent of all democratic primary voters in 2004. This year, polls show a significant number are undecided, torn between choosing the first African-American or first female Presidential candidate. Allen talks with the undecided, as well the state directors for the Clinton and Obama campaigns, who happen to be African-American women.
To close the series on Friday, Dr. Snyderman will raise the frightening statistic that African-American women are 85% more likely to get diabetes, a major complication for heart disease. And, like breast cancer, more black women die from heart disease than white women. Dr. Snyderman will profile a leading expert and a unique church-based outreach program in South Carolina that seeks to spread the word about heart disease risks to black women congregants.
Mara Schiavocampo, Digital Correspondent for "Nightly News," will address two hot topics in the African - American community: interracial dating and the impact of hip hop music on black women. Interracial dating is a growing trend in the African - American community. An Essence.com poll found that 81% of participants approved of black women dating non- black men.
According to a U.S. Census Bureau report in 2000, 95,000 black women were married to white men. In 2005, that number increased to 134,000. Schiavocampo will talk to experts about the trend and discuss how this defines the "Black family" of the future.
Schiavocampo will convene a panel of leading black men and women from the hip-hop industry for an engaging discussion on whether hip hop lyrics and videos positively or negatively affect black women. The roundtable also will address how these portrayals are affecting relationships between black women and black men.
Consumers can go online to join the discussion and share their thoughts on message boards. They can also read and respond to blog entries at www.nightly.msnbc.com . Alexandra Wallace is the executive producer of "NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams." Bob Epstein is the senior broadcast producer, and Rich Latour is the senior producer for this series.
Just thought it would be a good FYI. Let's see if NBC is going to be balanced in their reporting.
"The two parties have combined against us to nullify our power by a ‘gentleman's agreement' of non-recognition, no matter how we vote ... May God write us down as asses if ever again we are found putting our trust in either the Republican or the Democratic Parties." -- W.E.B. DuBois (1922)
Sorry for scraping from the bottom of the sewage pit for this one, but this has been on my mind. I despise nearly all of Black pop culture and therefore I, for the most part, avoid anything that may be related… except when I am trying to make some sort of social point or highlight an issue…. which is what I am doing here.
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