You have probably seen them- the nice looking, decent young women at the grocery store or at the movies holding hands with a “bad boy”, or thug. This is a huge phenomenon today, across all social groups. However, it is especially common with Black Women.
Just today, while at work, I spotted a gorgeous black woman, about 25 years old, butter pecan skin, conservative and professional looking, wearing a business suit. Her companion was a thug/ bad boy who fit the image perfectly. The two were a complete mismatch, and actually looked strange together. I am seeing this kind of “couple” on an almost daily basis.
This is largely an offshoot of Hip Hop culture. Once again, Hip Hop is influencing the wider culture. Everywhere you look, you see the thug image reinforced as the popular “in” thing. It has even been institutionalized- reinforced by mainstream institutions (The Grammys, by the Academy Awards, major movies, Politicians, the NAACP, professional sports, major magazines, etc etc etc). This image is glorified all throughout Pop culture today.
Just look at the minority female celebrities who have had thugs & rappers for boyfriends. Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, actress Valeisha Butterfield, Janet Jackson, Vivica A. Fox, and the list goes on and on- all either have or had these men for boyfriends. Of course, upon seeing this, young women in the wider society want to emulate these so-called Stars. Beyonce even went as far as turning the “Thug” into an icon, giving it her official stamp of approval in the Destiny’s Child song “Soldier”- a tribute to, and anthem for the Bad Boy. No I am not a fan of her music…. I happened to hear the song on the radio one afternoon and I remember being disgusted by it. (this is largely why I pretty much stick to Public radio…urban commercial radio is brainless, useless and has, for all practical purposes, gone to crap). Her voice makes me cringe. But it’s basically a given that most of the young female R&B (Rhythm and Bulls--t) Stars of today have rappers, thugs, etc as boyfriends. And it’s not just the “in” thing. Thuggery has been embraced by the entire culture. If it were just a momentary trend, it would have played itself out a long time ago.
Now we have a situation where the “thug” has become the ideal mate for most young women… from teens to about age 30. At least that seems to be the case for women in urban communities…Black women in particular. This is why someone like myself is dateless. This issue has actually defined my relationship with Black women. The short version- I have a hard time finding one that I can even date, since I don’t fit their picture of “a man”. I avoid (like the plague) those who date these kinds of men, because I have nothing in common with these ladies. And it seems that “most“ young Black women are going for these kinds of guys (and many White, Latin and Asian women too who are a part of urban culture…can‘t exactly leave them out. But this is really prominent with Black women).
For some reason, a guy with a steady job, own place, good future, college grad, etc is just not attractive to many of these women. It has something to do with the Drama factor…. They must have negative excitement in their lives in order for life to be interesting. It’s as if they have to be entertained, even if it’s at their own expense and a risk to their well being.
But what is it about these mmmme….. (little boys) that makes women so attracted to them? I have read that it’s the fact that these guys are so strong and tough and they could protect a woman, yada yada, yada!!!! As if a decent guy could not do the same. That is some really ignorant primitive stuff… but I understand that this is largely the truth. Documentaries that I have seen support this idea…Science backs it up. Women ARE naturally attracted to meatheads. It’s a case of natural selection. But this kind of primitive response was built into women for survival during the era of Cave men… before the rise of civilized societies. We are supposed to be civilized now. These kinds of characteristics really should not apply today. How is the thug, bad boy, dirt bag, criminal boyfriend going to protect these women if he’s locked in prison, for the kinds of behaviors that women are attracted to????? How ironic. It seems to me that a man can better protect a woman using his brain… one example is making a family, keeping a job, staying OUT OF TROUBLE rather than staying in trouble….so that he can be there and support her and the children, if that is the case. He can protect her by staying away from areas or situations that might bring trouble.
Again, what is it about s--thead guys that attracts so much positive attention from women? Is it the idea that a gunfight could erupt at any moment? Is it the idea that she (and her children) could be caught in the crossfire of a gang shooting? Is it the idea that the house could be raided by police, putting her and the children in danger? Is it the idea that she could get involved in a high speed chase? Perhaps I should ask Jennifer Lopez…she was willing to go to jail to protect her man after a police chase. Is it the excitement that these kinds of things could occur, and this makes them feel like their no good men are men of importance? The idea is disturbing, but I really do believe that women get some kind of sick rush from this kind of nonsense.
I just feel that most of these women are ….to put it nicely… lost! I sometimes find it hard to have sympathy for women who repeatedly put themselves (& their kids) in bad situations, bad relationships, & so forth, but then they want society to care when something bad happens. Should we feel sorry for women when a guy cheats (when she knew what kind of guy it was to begin with)?
What about when there is violence? Now in cases like this, I do feel for innocent children, and even for the victims because they are often not smart enough or mentally strong enough to handle their situations, and therefore allow abuse to take place. I can recall countless cases where women were raped or murdered by their so called “boyfriends” in my area. One case in particular in the St. Louis area, involved a woman who was murdered (along with her 3 small children) by her live in thug boyfriend, who she was supporting. It turns out, he had recently been released from prison. We hear about these cases all the time now. At least a few times a week. On the East Coast (I believe Philadelphia) you had the young Black college student murdered by her thug boyfriend. I recall that case because she was the Black woman who the media was ignoring in favor of stories about missing white women (That could be an entirely different blog topic). But this is going on all over the country. It’s now an epidemic, showing no signs of slowing down.
It seems like the worst these guys are… the worst the criminal record, and with the more people they have killed or hurt, the more these women are attracted to them. Men in “Black Urban America” who have been shot are treated as heroes, while the guys who live quiet lives and go on to college are not seen in the same light or are not considered as valuable. “Street Cred” is much more important to people in these urban communities….or in the wider “Hip Hop” culture which has pretty much hijacked the larger society to a large degree. But women in particular consider the gunshot victim as somehow being sexy… because anyone living through gunshots must be tough and will be able to protect her. I think this biological natural selection thing has women all screwed up in the brain.
Are we to feel sorry when bad things happen to these women because of their own bad choices?
And is there any chance that this phenomenon will let up anytime soon?
What does this say about Black women in particular?
INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR MONTE MADDUX
Author of the book "What's Wrong With Black Women".
Warning- FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
Disclaimer: Mirror on America does not endorse everything mentioned in the interview. But the man has some good points!!! lol
Listen to Part 1 (Fast forward to the 9 minute mark)
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See a part 2 for this post here. (although comments for that post will be closed soon as well).