I pulled the profile shot above from a popular online dating site. This is the kind of nonsense that I have to deal with as a Black guy.
Now I wasn't interested in the person above, however, her sentiment is shared by 95% of non-Black women on the online dating sites. This individual was just bold enough to come out and say it. Most won't express it. They just do it passively by not contacting Black men or not responding.
My attempts to date interracially have mostly failed.... have been able to do it a few times in my life... but for the most part I fail 90% of the time. Economics plays a huge role in that. Why would a non-Black woman want to date a guy like me (Black, a public worker-- so not earning very much money-- only slightly above avg looking...but told he's handsome, 40--- so Black and Old... ) when she can have a great White, Asian, Indian, or Hispanic guy...with more money, nice toys (cars, etc), and she can avoid all of the staring and ugly comments...and the backlash and embarrassment from friends and family? No one wants to be ashamed or embarrassed to bring a guy around friends & family. And perhaps most important to her... her babies won't be tainted... they won't have tainted skin (unfortunately there are people who think this way).
It is especially bad with Asian women. PBS and Independent Lens, recently took a look at this subject (See Video). or see embed below:
The white male is synonymous with money and success. He doesn't even have to have much money or success... just having a white guy is a status symbol. (White men have it pretty good when it comes to the dating scene. I would be lying if I said I didn't envy that somewhat).
But there is a problem with the success angle (which could be a legitimate preference, although in my opinion it makes the women look completely shallow)... the problem is.... even when you take a black guys profile and correct for education (add a college education), and add a middle class income, and show that the guy is decent looking...and has a wide variety of interests, he will still face discrimination for being Black.
Well Brian, why don't you date Black women? I am open to dating women from all ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. But the fact is, I don't usually fit what Black women tend to look for. The interests and tastes of Black women tend to be different from my own...about 90% of the time. For example... I don't care much for rap music... I don't like to go to nightclubs, entertainment venues, or social gatherings that they may go to, and I would love to send Jay Z and Beyonce to Alcatraz...so that I never have to hear anything about them again. I think that's a good reason to reopen that prison. Throw most of the other rappers in there too. That would make me so happy. I just don't tend to get along with Black women (generally speaking). I find that Black women tend to want to reverse some of the traditional roles. They want to dominate the household and/or the relationship...and are extremely demanding. They have a hard time discerning what a good man is. Many don't seem to realize that they can be strong and proud while also being softspoken & kindhearted. They don't have to become men. But there are exceptions. There are Black women who make my mouth water... But strangely enough... I have found that a lot of the Black women who have even slightly caught my interest.....tend to prefer white guys. So I am always left at square one.
I dated one mixed race girl... who identified as Black (10 years ago). It never went past the first date. She thought it was strange that I paid for everything... opened doors and offered her a flower. (that is what she told me). She stated that she was not used to being treated like that.... so I guess being a gentleman scared her off. I haven't been on a date since that year (2003). There is this thing in the Black Community (God I hate that term)... an unwritten code that says if you are a gentleman.... you are soft...and well... you must be a punk. This is ingrained in the minds of most Black women. The old school gentleman of color is out of style and has been for quite some time (men like my father... my uncle on my mothers side... men who were men). Black women today (particularly those 21-35 give or take a few years) are trained to look for different traits and characteristics when determining what the ideal guy is. It has completely changed. Now a guy has to be over 6ft tall.... has to have tattoos, has to have this thing they call "swag" (just typing that was painful... completely hate the term)... and he has to be at least rough around the edges...and a criminal record won't hurt either. That is like a badge of honor...and women reward these men accordingly... these men literally get more offers for intimacy than they can handle. Again... not that I would be interested in those women.... but it irks me to see that. Then again... some of these women could be considered top tier... I have known, read about...seen plenty of good looking women of color... educated, etc... who still prefer a guy who fits a certain image. They want a 50 cent or Tupac clone.... or 50 cent or Tupac-lite.... for some, just 20 or 30% thug is enough to satisfy their twisted fantasies or their biological urges...and yes... biology plays a huge role in selection. A recent study concluded that women are basically tricked by biology into picking the wrong men....even when they know he's the wrong one... their sub-conscience (driven by hormones) drives them to make stupid choices. This would explain why women end up with the same types of men almost every time. But it's not just poor women w/ low education making these choices or who have these stupid dealbreakers.
Needless to say... since I don't fit that image (the idiotic, aggressive, obnoxious rapper) I am not on radar screens of most Black women. Of course there are also the Black women who have the shallow physical standards -- as mentioned before the 6ft rule is a common one...often a dealbreaker. I stand about 5'6 or 5'7...so I am considered too short. But there is also income. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 50k-60k is often the absolute minimum you can earn to afford her. Some want the rapper clones...while others want the rich Black doctor or attorney.
Either way... it leaves me with interracial dating where the options are extremely few and far between. That's why i'm 40 and single. Being in St. Louis makes matters worse, because this is one of the most segregated metro areas in the U.S. (backed up by several reports/studies). Even the BBC recently did a story on segregation in present day St. Louis. This is one reason why I really hate St. Louis. I would, in all likelihood, have more success in a State like Texas (one of my adopted home States). I loved Texas for the few years I lived there growing up. Even back then (early 1990's) it seemed more socially progressive. I witnessed racism...but there were a lot of mixed race couples in my High School. Florida (another adopted home State) is far more diverse than the Midwest... especially Missouri. Even growing up in Kansas showed me a lot about different cultures, diversity, etc. That's where I had my first kiss.... (nope, she wasn't a Black girl).. And my first crush (a majestic, gorgeous Mexican girl for which I have seen no match to this day... she may have raised the bar too high). But Kansas...being in the Midwest...was perhaps an anomaly. Maybe it was just the community (a mixed race school and community may have altered my perception). But I am better off for having lived there during some crucial years growing up.
The racism in dating indeed seems to vary in terms of degree of ugliness depending on what part of the country you are in.
I am just hoping at some point, before I get too old, I can meet "the one". But I have already prepared myself for the likelihood that I will die alone. Have even started estate planning with that in mind. This stuff doesn't hit you until you start your estate planning. If you are in my situation and you are single... it will hit you like a ton of bricks.