She left us on Valentine's day of all days. I don't think I have ever written about her before... but this is the woman who basically raised me. She only stood about 4'11, but was a giant of a woman to us. Greatest woman I have ever known. She was the most important single person in my life....surpassing all 3 parents. She was also my last and only true grandparent. I will try to write about her at some point.
I was hoping that before she left I would be able to show her that I made something out of myself...that her work wasn't in vain. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do that. That disappointment will follow me to my grave. Or haunt me into the grave.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
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6 comments:
My condolences to you,I think you are being too hard on yourself,Grandmother already knows,you will be alright,she's your angel remember?
Condolences. @};--
My condolences to you also, AI. But (and no offense, brother), I don't think you should be measuring your life or how proud your grandmother was/should have been on some of the things weighing you down. Your employment status, relationship status, or whatever else you've cited as obstacles aren't what makes you who you are. You're a crazy intelligent, passionate, and a clearly hard-working brother who hasn't caved to some of the same things taking over so many other brothers. That alone puts you above par. Your salary and social status may not be commensurate, but you're hardly a failure.
She did well, even if you don't always see it.
My heart is with you. I'm so sorry. I understand your pain, you are in all my prayers. You were blessed to have her in your life for as long as you did.
I do think you are too hard on yourself. your grandmother was a wise woman; how do I know? she raised you? you didn't disappoint her, because you are an intelligent, free thinking, hard-working, decent law-abiding man.
I hate to tell you this, but when she went to sleep for the final time, the only thing she probably wished for you was that you were married to a woman you loved and had a child of your own.
The rest of what you consider ' letting her down'....I just don't see it. that's on you, not her. the KIND of man you are was far more important to her than the size of your paycheck, and in that respect, Grandma could sleep well, knowing how you turned out.
Thanks for condolences/well wishes.
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