Sunday, July 24, 2011

Eligible, Black, Male, and Hopelessly Single - Are Women to Blame or is This a Societal Issue?

As a man, I’d feel a certain way if I had a girlfriend but I wasn’t able to take care of her. Nothing special, but you’d like to be able to at least go the movies every weekend and buy her nice things. Yeah, I’m in school now and working towards something. but I’ve actually stopped dating a woman I was interested in because I wasn’t where I needed to be financially. It’s a pride thing.

The quote above is from a great article over at the Good Men Project webpage, entitled Eligible, Black, Male, and Hopelessly Single. This is a great read… so much truth in this article.

I can relate to many of the comments in the article, especially the one above. The exact same epiphany occurred to me several years ago. I stopped dating a young lady (cute Mexican accounting student in her mid 20’s), because I could not court her the way that I wanted to. The relationship was probably not going to go anywhere anyway, but I called it quits early. My obstacles, or what I saw as obstacles, always came down to a lack of money & resources. That was 8 years ago & I haven’t dated since. I don’t see myself as good enough (not for the women I find interesting).

I decided that I had to work on building myself professionally/financially if I was going to date seriously, and be successful. Yes, my pride played a big role in that decision and is a big reason why I don't date today.

But I’m torn about that way of thinking. On one hand, I think dating should be about compatibility, shared values/interests, and the connection between two people. It should not be all about the superficial - the status chasing, the big job, nice car, expensive condo, etc. However, on the other hand, I recognize (& hate) the fact that the real world of dating has a system of rules set up, rules mostly established by women, that forces me to play that game (the superficial game) whether I want to or not.

It’s just interesting to see money as being not only the reason people are divorcing, but now it also seems to be a big reason why singles have a hard time meeting and connecting in the first place. Also interesting to see that my experiences are not unique. I want to say women are to blame for this… but it comes down to society and a pop culture that has warped the minds of Generation X (My Generation) and Generation Y even more. People (women in particular) are watching too much TV. Men are expected to be well-to-do from the first date. There is no building anything together anymore. Today, women consider the man who isn’t fully established monetarily as a loser…. And they move on to the next one, and the next, until they find the attorney, the Barack Obama, the CEO, the Banker, the doctor, the entertainer, or professional athlete that they want. Women aren’t even looking for personality and character anymore… things about the inner core of the man himself… those items are secondary to her. Today, women are searching for titles…status, money…. It’s all about what you do for a living. Whatever it is that you do either has to be raking in cash…or has to have the potential to do so.

When you are a Black man almost exclusively interested in interracial dating, like myself, the problem doesn’t go away.

The article is a great read… the comments section is also very interesting.


Anonymous said...

I am the same way too except I am female. Being in Los Angeles there are few Black males that are into Black females especially if they have a better job and are educated.

We have ourselves to blame for this.

bloggermouse said...

Sometimes being a good dating partner means showing creativity in managing meager resources.

Besides, if The Powers That Be blow our economy back to the 19th century those of us that can scratch and survive will be more desirable than the soft, previously-wealthy parasites.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this article and your own experiences with dating that have plague sexes. I wish you would comment more about this and many other issues that are going on between the sexes from a male point of view. I appreciate this and will share this with others. Women need to know this, seriously!