tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post5394998238088446531..comments2023-10-28T03:07:12.758-07:00Comments on Mirror On America: Why I Hate Being Black No. 899Brian http://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-8679424643856417032008-10-16T21:55:00.000-07:002008-10-16T21:55:00.000-07:00Brenda,My "hate being black" title is more of a me...Brenda,<BR/><BR/>My "hate being black" title is more of a metaphor that I use to express my frustration with a situation I (we) can't control. Is it literal? Not really...not 100%, but this is how I sometimes feel...and it's the way I felt when I wrote this commentary; and it's a conversation starter...because I know i'm not the only one who has this stuff swirling in their heads. I'm in a constant identity struggle. One day I may see something that makes me proud.... and the next day I hear a story that makes me want to jump out of my skin and run as fast as I can. <BR/><BR/>While there is some truth to what you wrote... being Black isn't ALL bad. Although it seems as if the bad overshadows the good. I believe Black folks offer just as much good.... (although the media doesn't like to tell those stories).<BR/><BR/>Rather than running away, use your family as an example. <BR/><BR/>But I still believe that the image of young Black women (of which too many accept...and too many take part in perpetuating) is a horrible image... the same for young men. <BR/><BR/>I still have problems relating to the modern Black culture (as it is today)....and I have problems forming relationships because of it. <BR/><BR/>Unfortunately I don't see this changing anytime soon.Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-12307337532478799892008-10-16T15:52:00.000-07:002008-10-16T15:52:00.000-07:00Well said, at one time I was proud of being black,...Well said, at one time I was proud of being black, back in the 80's, and early 90's we were the fad, the fashion icons, the now, the hip. Cultures were trying to be like us and somehow we got it twisted and became twisted and now I am ashamed to be black, white people see me with my children and assume I am welfare mom with kids.. I am married and have been for 20 years. They see my son and and assume he has no fater, they see my husband and are in fear. Now we are thrust into a new era, in a dieing culture. We are a rarity we are Black Family... and I have taught my children to seperate themselves from what is black and do and be what is good. Because now what is Black is not what is GOOD... It what is a Blight on the American Society..one that steals and stifles good people... single mothers breeding an army of hate and bitter men, that will be killed and damaged before old enough to vote.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00754031480234404394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-16453286165710683272008-06-03T14:39:00.000-07:002008-06-03T14:39:00.000-07:00This is a very narrow way of looking at the sister...This is a very narrow way of looking at the sisters. I look at the group of women I hang around and I don't see them attracted to any "thug looking brotha." <BR/><BR/>I'm not saying this phenom doesn't exist. But please, broaden your playing field a little bit.AAWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13550345881628321469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-33147845564783286992008-06-03T09:29:00.000-07:002008-06-03T09:29:00.000-07:00"Believe me, most Black women would not give a dam..."<I>Believe me, most Black women would not give a damn as we are busy trying to live our daily lives in a world that despises us.</I>"<BR/><BR/>I can feel that -- to an extent. But when I see some pretty righteous brothas get castrated for being "too nice" and then get cruxified for shifting outside of their race (many black women actually <I>do</I> "give a damn" and make no bones about it), I can also feel the frustration that AI has. There really isn't a right or a wrong answer in this situation; only unresolved questions.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-20674048216973295042008-06-03T09:28:00.000-07:002008-06-03T09:28:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-34830943809674536962008-06-03T04:26:00.000-07:002008-06-03T04:26:00.000-07:00Dude, just go and get you a White woman and call i...Dude, just go and get you a White woman and call it a day. Believe me, most Black women would not give a damn as we are busy trying to live our daily lives in a world that despises us.<BR/><BR/>No need to have our names in your mouth. Just hie thee to any non-Black woman and put everyone out of their misery!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-71837530846811953052008-06-02T14:09:00.000-07:002008-06-02T14:09:00.000-07:00Vicki,I beg to differ. It beared fruit for me, bec...Vicki,<BR/><BR/>I beg to differ. It beared fruit for me, because #1. It was cathartic; and #2. It only served (through the comments) to reinforce my beliefs regarding what is wrong with so-called "Black America"....with their unmitigated & constant state of denial among other things.<BR/><BR/>If you mean fruitless as in I didn't change any minds. I already knew that I wouldn't change any minds...especially when it came to Black women. Therefore I never intended to change any minds. I usually know what to expect when dealing with Black folks when it comes to these kinds of issues. It's been that way for as long as I can remember.... nothing has changed.<BR/><BR/>The post served the purpose that I had for it...although 95% of readers missed the point, or took from it only what they wanted to take. (I knew that was going to happen before the post was completed).Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-45304115462097524672008-06-02T13:59:00.000-07:002008-06-02T13:59:00.000-07:00Malacyne,Regarding Black Exploitation Television.....Malacyne,<BR/><BR/>Regarding Black Exploitation Television... try going to the search box up top and typing in "BET", "Debra Lee", "Bob Johnson" and read the results.<BR/><BR/>I have been writing about BET since before this blog got started. <BR/><BR/>I'll give you a 'late pass' for this one.Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-62665300262434403772008-06-02T13:49:00.000-07:002008-06-02T13:49:00.000-07:00Wow, looks like you spent a lot of time on this - ...Wow, looks like you spent a lot of time on this - how fruitless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-77855676619552796972008-06-01T10:24:00.000-07:002008-06-01T10:24:00.000-07:00AI,yes there is an overreliance of celebrity influ...AI,<BR/><BR/>yes there is an overreliance of celebrity influence in certain people's lives but the choice remains<BR/>within each of us<BR/><BR/> to either be a sheep <BR/>or <BR/>to be strong and be your own person.<BR/><BR/>i'm sorry that the majority of Americans don't know how to do this but <BR/><BR/>I recommend finding and loving the people who do, embracing that passion to live and think independently and learning to cope with the rest.<BR/><BR/> so if there's a generation of kids and their parents<BR/>emulating jay z or 50 cent or beyonce, ultimately, to their detriment, I say try to help when you can and if you can't, move on.MartiniCocoahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12509335664000215080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-51175103929521747442008-05-31T05:53:00.000-07:002008-05-31T05:53:00.000-07:00I am often baffled by Black men that say they cann...I am often baffled by Black men that say they cannot find a Black woman that can match their "standards", if and when they decide to date. I wonder if these Black men have limited themselves to a small minority of our huge world wide population of women. AI, have you ever been in contact with (I say contact since you are not dating now, but that doesn't mean one cannot have female friends or assoicates) Black women born and raised in Britain, Canada, Trinidad, Jamaica, Tobago, USVI, The Bahamas, Borinken, Panama, Belize, Nigeria, Somalia, South Africa or Zimbabwe? <BR/>I have found Black men that say they cannot find a Black woman that have the same "standards" as themselves are actually put off by Black women that are intelligent, independent, and have the verbal ability to express their opinions. Thus, these men run away from intelligent, independent, opinionated Black women, search out the lowest mentality of women, then say they cannot find Black women with high moral standards. Our women come in too many different forms from women who's parents have drivers with Bachelor's degrees, to women that live in the lowest poorest slums in the world with the highest standards and could careless about a Beyonce, JayZ or a Mavado. When you are ready to date stop searching out the lowest mentality of Black women and be strong enough to deal with the power of an intelligent, independent, opinionated Black woman. Because, most of these thug images are being sold to and for the entertainment of non-Black people, and has the most negative impact on their psyche as we Black people know who we are.Amentahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13876681992868014576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-8164088447125099882008-05-30T18:16:00.001-07:002008-05-30T18:16:00.001-07:00There is some fault with your logic. The images y...There is some fault with your logic. The images you placed to demonstrate your point are celebrities. It's quite unfair on your part to equate the celebrity world with the real world. But let's entertain your fancy: most black women have limited choices when it comes to choosing mate. Black men, for the most part, have the highest instances of incarceration, lack of education and poor job prospects. Entire generations of black people have lived in poverty with only a few rising above the ashes, so to speak. Those that do rise, have done so by education. Research supports that there are more black women with college degrees than black men. These black women are expected to take any black they can get their hands on. The educated black man is rare and he knows that he is a prime catch. It's not unheard of for an college bound/graduated black man to have multiple relationships with competing women. <BR/><BR/>Also, you have discounted the most obvious and damaging influence on black culture: BET. Through an ever increasing culture of violence and misogyny, generations of women have had their whole world paradigm shaped by BET. To say that black women are responsible for this is ridiculous. At the helm of BET was Robert Johnson, a black man. This soon passed into the hands of Viacom, headed by a white man...go figure. Record companies and rappers are very much a male dominated profession.<BR/><BR/>Whereas the hallmark of education was no longer regarded as the enlightened path out of poverty, a degenerate culture flourished in the ghettos of America. There's alot of research out there if one looks for it regarding the decline of the black family and pointing to many issues like acceptable poverty, the impact of a drug culture and changing values. <BR/>You point to black women being the root of all of this but do no take into account black men's involvement in this mess. You bemoaned a youth in which black girls ignored you and went for the jocks. I am certain there are plenty of studious, dark-skinned, not-long-flowing-hair (good hair for some of you southerners)black girls that you just looked right through. And given the number of black women who are college educated versus black men who are college educated, it looks like these girls were quite plentiful. Given the number of black women in black churches, praying to find a man versus men who are praying to find a good wife, these girls, still praying and waiting, must have some social values. <BR/>I have crossed the color lines when dating and will continue to do so. Do what you must to gather the courage to cross the line but do not do it at the expense of tearing down black women.Malacynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951779510686822104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-40724009053215476932008-05-30T10:15:00.000-07:002008-05-30T10:15:00.000-07:00Honestly I'm hearing all your saying, and yes I ge...Honestly I'm hearing all your saying, and yes I get the point of it. I've wondered why the hell black woman are all shown in exactly the same plastic image, I've got no problem being black my self (as light skinned as I am).<BR/> <BR/>Black guys in general all seem to be following the lead of most Rap stars and R&B stars both in look and in style and even attitude, which I honestly dont find hot or attractive at all.<BR/><BR/>And I also don't exactly understand the fulfillment most woman get out of 'thugs' and living the 'thug lifestyle', <BR/>neither of the two interest me at all, I've never actually dated a black guy before because all I get is wannabe thugs and I just really cant be bothered with it all. <BR/><BR/>So yeah I date outside the culture and though some people may have specific issues with it I don't, I personally am attracted to white guys and always have been. I'm not saying I dont find black guys attractive though I hate seprating by race or colour. <BR/><BR/>The culture has been extremely diluted through the years as more celebrities aid black woman and men to be watered down, by what products dedicated to taking away your actual culture right? <BR/>Such as relaxing your hair, getting weaves, make-up which offers specific shading that can change your look and ethnicity completely.<BR/><BR/>I respect what it is your saying, purely because I slightly agree with you.<BR/><BR/>Even though I've been relaxing my hair since I was about 8 or 9 and I've been weaving my hair for about 5 years, and really I don't care much for weaves I purely used them to grow my hair so that when I cut it it'd be in good condition. <BR/><BR/>So yeah my hair is extremely loose now due to the relaxing process its been through throughout the years, it's been permanantly dyed black for the past three months so I get classed as an 'emo chick' a lot which I dispute as to whether im excaping my true ethnicity.<BR/>Si I guess I fit in to your category of a fake black woman.<BR/><BR/>Though not every black man and woman you've placed up there actually fits into your thug wannabe fake catagory.<BR/><BR/>Alicia keys boyfriend isnt a thug or a thug wannabe, neither is Nick Cannon & Jennifer Lopez isn't black so you should really take a second thought before you label and judge people.<BR/><BR/>Or maybe you should clarify your definition of a thug, because as I've stated previously you don't have a very good selection of serious thugs up there.<BR/><BR/>Either way I understand where your coming from and can atleast understand what your reasons are all of them.<BR/><BR/>Though most of the reasons or images youve stated and placed seem as though they'd com from a typical white guy classing every black celebrity as a thug and so on...<3Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08647641957713437519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-20297445206807474832008-05-28T12:07:00.000-07:002008-05-28T12:07:00.000-07:00Sameena,There are a couple of problems with your a...Sameena,<BR/><BR/>There are a couple of problems with your argument; at least from my vantage point.<BR/><BR/>(1)"<I>...the truth is there arent enough quality black men in the community who make education and personal responsibility a priority.</I>"<BR/><BR/>I think there are. Except these kind of men -- also labeled the "nice guy" -- can't always effectively sell those qualities (education and personal responsibility) as validation to some women. This is one aspect of AI's argument with which I <I>completely</I> agree. Being pegged into a culture that celebrates hypermasculinity and toughness as standards for "being a man", the nice guy (respectful, half-way intelligent, caring, loving) gets labeled as weak and soft. Simply put, whoever coined the phrase "nice guys finish last" wasn't that far off. Now, I'm certainly not blaming black women for that. But I AM acknowledging that such a phenomenon <I>does</I> exist.<BR/><BR/>(2)"<I>...it saddens me the way black men treat women especially black women in rap videos. It is time for Black men to stand up for the honor of their women - no culture with any selfrespect will stand the humiliation of its women.</I>"<BR/><BR/>I concur. Except, when it comes to "humiliation" through exploitation, we have to be equally as critical of the women who <I>choose</I> be exploited as we are of the men who do the exploiting. For example, in the now infamous Nelly video "Tip Drill", it was the dancer's idea to have a credit card swiped through her backside. It's those kind of women who would look at somebody like the Angry Independent and laugh because he's <I>not</I> Nelly; because he <I>doesn't</I> think it's fashionable or "hard" to demean black women. Sadly, <I>they're the ones</I> finding their way on millions of televisions every night while some of the more righteous and prophetic black women (i.e. many of the sistas in the blogosphere) are left to shoulder the cross.<BR/><BR/>Do these scandalous women represent all of the "black community"? Of course not. But do they exist in one circle or another? Absolutely.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-90967913673722410342008-05-28T12:01:00.000-07:002008-05-28T12:01:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-39150996324154625242008-05-28T11:03:00.000-07:002008-05-28T11:03:00.000-07:00Give black women a break - the truth is there aren...Give black women a break - the truth is there arent enough quality black men in the community who make education and personal responsibility a priority. I have black women friends who continue to struggle to find quality men (while often dealing wiht very tough financial situations and often the extra responsibility of singlehandedly raising their children)- they need support not censure. I am South Asian and it saddens me the way black men treat women especially black women in rap videos. It is time for Black men to stand up for the honor of their women - no culture with any selfrespect will stand the humiliation of its women.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-31243641273627541902008-05-28T08:19:00.000-07:002008-05-28T08:19:00.000-07:00One more thing: I understand how post wasn't inten...One more thing: I understand how post wasn't intended to address the phenomenon we know as dating. Still, the temptation to associate your observations with dating was definitely there.<BR/><BR/>But your fundamental message of the destructive effects of today's black popular culture is pretty clear to me. But as I've suggested all throughout, I wouldn't limit it to the role that black women <I>may</I> play in this. I'd say that black popular culture as a collective enterprise is dangerous. But even that has multiple facets worth examining. <BR/><BR/>Dude, you could publish <I>at least</I> five articles based on the challenging themes presented in this post. So ultimately, I'd say this was a pretty compelling read.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-74396441244595440712008-05-28T08:18:00.000-07:002008-05-28T08:18:00.000-07:00Angry: I lurk in the background of your blog all ...Angry: I lurk in the background of your blog all the time. You have a unique perspective on things, especially the subject at hand. Thugs? Um... I must agree with the likes of SheCodes and Gina that the women you have used as examples in the post, though popular among many, are not the ideal among most. Yes, that's right, NOT the ideal among MOST. If people would turn off their TVs and stop reading websites that cater to the lives of the 'clueless and famous', then and only then will they be able to live the life in which God intended for them. You surely cannot seriously believe that most black women are 'lusting' after the likes of JayZ or Nick Cannon? I tell my friends that if JayZ was not The JayZ that he is now, but just a regular brotha working a regular job, the chances of him 'pulling' someone like Beyonce would be a million to one depending on many factors, including how SHE feels about herself. But Matthew Knowles (Beyonce's dad) is a smart and calculating businessman and realizes that the union between his daughter and J is a match made in black-successs-in-entertainment heaven, where ever that is. What parent wouldn't encourage the blossoming of a relationship with a man/woman as successful as JayZ? <BR/><BR/>Yes, Angry, I know that Beyonce is a young girl's (and some women's) idea of black female perfection, but since the majority of us who have reached a place of confidence and acceptance of who we are don't have the medium to showcase our 'gifts' publicly, people don't see us or hear about us. Please don't blame black women for something that media in all forms has done (and will continue to do as long as money is green). <BR/><BR/>Celebrities are not good examples of much, other than makeup and clothing ideas. I think it was Charles Barkley who said that he shouldn't be considered a role model and never since has such a more powerful truth been spoken from an athlete.Woman in Transitionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07137738406710049818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-61161608620027597422008-05-28T07:45:00.000-07:002008-05-28T07:45:00.000-07:00AI, You know I've got your back on this. As I said...AI, You know I've got your back on this. As I said before, I <I>completely</I> get where you're coming from. But -- in the interest of establishing equilibrium -- I also understand how Jane Q. NotTheBlackWomanYou'reTalkingAbout can get incensed by your post. Even when you made it a point to disqualify the accusation that you're referring to <I>all</I> Black woman, the minute that I read this post I thought to myself "Aw man, AI's in trouble now." Your readership didn't disappoint me to that end. Regardless to whether or not your intentions were to cite <I>specific instances</I> of black women actin' a fool (by embracing the thug, supporting R. Kelly, or any other any <I>personal</I> stories with black women you can recall), your observations hit a collective nerve with Black women all across the blogosphere. As a result, commentary that you made based off what you see everyday was dismissed as a myopic, inaccurate, and blanket statement about Black women in general. Is that fair for people to make that conclusion based off your post? I don't think it is. But does it happen, anyway? All the frickin' time.<BR/><BR/>Interestingly, I think you answered your own question in this comment board which -- had you simply followed in the first place -- would've kept you from writing this post. Said AI,<BR/><BR/>"<I>I'm just bringing that up to say that Black men should not limit themselves...nor should Black women. I'm 100% in favor of Black women "dating out" if they can't find an acceptable match within their own ethnic group.</I>"<BR/><BR/>I've always had an issue with people dating exclusively within or outside of their race. If we profess to be open-minded, cultural, and civilized people, why not broaden horizons? Perhaps that would better serve your personal interests.<BR/><BR/>Now, this doesn't address the rampant and menacing problem of black women (AND men. Let's keep it real) of questionable character who influence black culture (whatever that is). But it could at least assuage some of the anger (and perhaps bewilderment) you may have. <BR/><BR/>As for me (being an equal opportunist and all), I'm saving myself for <A HREF="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005186/" REL="nofollow">Constance Marie</A>. I mean, day-um.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-24957293527961940642008-05-28T07:42:00.000-07:002008-05-28T07:42:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Andrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01018331496569382238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-50129502024432592062008-05-26T16:33:00.000-07:002008-05-26T16:33:00.000-07:00"I would say that women like Shecodes are actually..."I would say that women like Shecodes are actually a minority among Black women."<BR/><BR/>And you'd be wrong. Thats the problem. Women like us are in the forefront, we're all over. But its people like you who want to act like we're not. Like LorMarie said, whether you realized it or not, you really were trying to back up why you aren't interested in black women. And if thats your choice, then you shouldn't feel as though you need to back it up with some argument. <BR/><BR/>Do you think your helping us? You sound just as ignorant as people of other races that try to dissociate the "good" black man or woman from the "bad" seeds. <BR/><BR/>People can't find us because they read posts like this & don't bother to look since there's another fool backing up their so called theory on black women. I didn't hear one person make an "excuse", I heard women defending themselves. And as much division and hate that goes on in house, I for one am not gonna throw my fellow sistas to the wolves just because their dating style doesn't include you. I prefer to work with them, help them to build up their self esteem & improve their self image instead of criticizing. But its hard to do so if people like you keep labeling them as not "worthy" enough for the "good" black man. <BR/><BR/>Trust me, your post did nothing for us, just another pathetic obstacle in our path much like the hip hop culture you stated. <BR/><BR/>You know its funny cuz people love to blame Black women for the downfall of Black culture, which I admit we do play a part, but what about the fact that there are men even classified as "thugs." Instead of being disappointed in the Black women's choice of man, I challenge you to go mentor some of these lil boys & help them to see that thuglife is completely overrated & "thug" should never be an option. Teach them to mold themselves based on who they WANT to be, not based on what they think women want.<BR/><BR/>And one more thing, in your Part I section, you mentioned an example of seeing a professional woman with someone who fit the "thug/bad boy" image. Now, my problem with that is you went based on looks. How is that any different than the white woman who clutches her purse as a black man passes? I've worked in several non profits for teenagers. I had male co workers who worked with them in lock up. And I suppose they'd be able to fit the "thug/bad boy" image, as they were dressed similar to the kids they helped. Baggy jeans, timbs, tattoos, cornrows, white tees, etc... <BR/><BR/>My point is, you can never know someone just based on how they are dressed. Maybe that story needed to be clarified but based on what I read, that was pretty sour judgment on your part. I've learned working with who I do you can NEVER judge people just based on the way their dressed.Mohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10302233036493770234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-88191987862646877432008-05-26T15:40:00.000-07:002008-05-26T15:40:00.000-07:00Angry Independent,Whether you realize it or not, y...Angry Independent,<BR/><BR/>Whether you realize it or not, your post was an attempt to justify your preference for nonblack women. The question is, why do you feel the need to justify this? I guess the reason might be that black men do get a lot of heat for dating and marrying out. I can't speak for other black women here, but the problem for me is not that you want to date out (I would be a hypocrite for doing such), but your angst against black women. So if you want to date nonblack women when you are ready...by all means do it. What you should NOT do is put black women down in the process. Putting your own race down shows the possibility of self-hate or that you are not truly comfortable with your dating choices.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-21182583007212087702008-05-26T15:19:00.000-07:002008-05-26T15:19:00.000-07:00To All,As expected, several people took from this ...To All,<BR/><BR/>As expected, several people took from this post only what they wanted to take or they conveniently missed all the points I tried to make.<BR/><BR/>Misconceptions:<BR/><BR/>#1. It is assumed that this post was about MY dating life... and my search for a Black woman. NO & NO.<BR/><BR/>This post wasn't about my particular situation...but about the impact that Black Hollywood is having on young Black women (and men). How the thug culture is being celebrated...and the damage that it is doing to the image of Black people as a whole.<BR/><BR/>And no, i'm not looking for a Black woman...or any woman, and have not dated for many years. Partly by my choice, and partly due to circumstances. This was not a dating post... I referenced some of my past experience to make a point about how screwed up the "Black Community" is...and I wanted to point out that this is why I (and many other Black folks... not just myself) no longer wish to identify with the Black Community or Black Culture. Those terms have come to stand for things that I don't identify with or believe in.<BR/><BR/>#2. There is an assumption (and I see this all the time) that since Black women are not the ideal choice or preferred choice for me (IF I WERE DATING) that it somehow means that I prefer white women. A lot of Black folks are locked into this bi-cultural mindset. We live in a multi-cultural world...in a multi-cultural country...not a bi-cultural one.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps I have a preference for Hispanic/Latina women, Asian Women, East Indian Women...and within those broad groups, there are many subgroups... <BR/><BR/>I will tell you this, White women are in there somewhere, but not necessarily near the top.<BR/><BR/>In fact, there is not necessarily a specific order to my madness. I like women from all ethnicities/colors of the rainbow. I don't plan to limit myself. If she has what it takes to trigger my interest...I don't care what color she is. She could be purple with yellow spots for all I care.<BR/><BR/>However, there are certain groups where my ideal is more plentiful, so I tend to be more interested in those groups. Like most people, I have preferences.<BR/><BR/>Should I be crucified for that? <BR/><BR/>Women have some of the same preferences...many have preferences that are a lot more rigid than mine.<BR/><BR/>#3. Some say that I mentioned ALL Black women in the post. NO.<BR/><BR/>I made it a point to mention that I was not referring to ALL Black women. But a significant number.<BR/><BR/>#4. I was burned/scorned by a Black woman. NOPE.<BR/><BR/>I have only dated one, if I recall... (naturally because my preference takes me into other options). She was actually biracial. And that was during a brief period when I jumped into the dating scene many years ago.<BR/>Couldn't bring myself to date anymore after the experiences I had (not a fan of the dating scene at all).<BR/><BR/>_________________<BR/><BR/>I no longer date because I am concentrating 100% on school, and getting myself to the right place financially (prerequisites for any single man in American society). That is taking longer than I had anticipated.<BR/><BR/>#5. The post was about Black culture and the celebrity influence on pulling the Black race down the toilet...and the role that some women (many) are playing in it, via their screwed up process of choosing men.... they believe they are choosing strength by picking the s---heads, ...but they are actually choosing the weak links that have contributed to the breakdown in the family. That, in turn, is contributing to many of the problems we see today....with Black youth not growing up in nurturing traditional homes.<BR/><BR/>According to the responses here.... these Black women celebs don't have any influence on youth, Black youth in particular. And we know that's not true... they have quite a bit of influence. <BR/><BR/>This is a case of Black women wearing their blinders. Black folks simply don't want to face this stuff.<BR/><BR/>If Black (& Latina) women decided today that "the thug" was no longer in style and that they would only give their loving to decent Black men, men of other races, and leave the rappers alone, etc... <BR/>This negative Black male image (an image that I have to fight everyday, although I don't identify with that culture) would begin to die pretty quickly if women began to make that choice.<BR/><BR/>Many males who shape themselves into the thug mold, do so because they believe that this is the popular thing that young women are attracted to. Once that is taken away...you would see (slowly but surely) the image of the Black male begin to change.<BR/><BR/>If young women told young men that they had to wear a tie, and study hard in school to get their loving<BR/>then that would be the new style tomorrow... (I would invest in necktie companies) lol. And grades would begin to change once...education became cool again.<BR/><BR/>But the problem is... biologically, women don't see those things as representative of strength and security (at least not Black women...in large numbers). They see the meathead brute with tattoos, bulletholes, knife wounds, a hard body from working out in prison, and a hardcore criminal record as signs of strength.<BR/><BR/>I really do see Black Hip Hop culture (specifically Black women's affinity for the ----head) as a mental disorder for Black folks, Black women in particular. <BR/><BR/>#6. I expected to get several responses from Black women who would attempt to argue about the definition of thuggery, a clown, a rapper, a minstrel, etc etc etc.<BR/><BR/>This is a symptom of the mental disorder. The fact that they would even attempt to split the hairs, shows a problem. <BR/><BR/>And like I mentioned in a response above... It shows how they really don't have any point of reference to even know what the Hell a man should be. To them, Ludacris, Nelly, = good men because they have a lot of money, don't have long extensive Prison records & have no bullet wounds that we know of (notice there is no interest or concern for the other qualities that are supposed to be important for a man, potential father, etc). These are the predominant images of Black men that they see...so they don't know anything else. Their perspective is just so narrow.<BR/><BR/>It's disturbing...and strikes right at the heart of why I wrote the post in the first place.Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-18163580240347505152008-05-26T14:15:00.000-07:002008-05-26T14:15:00.000-07:00Shecodes:"Not one of those women are admired or ev...Shecodes:<BR/><I>"Not one of those women are admired or even emulated by the type of woman that (I hope) AI would want in his life."</I><BR/><BR/>You are correct that the kinds of women who are inspired and influenced by these women are not the kinds of women who I would be interested in. But then again, the number of women in the general population who are influenced by the Beyonce's and Mariah's is quite large. Their influence spreads all throughout the culture.... it even impacts the so-called "good girls"...the women who you are talking about with degrees, are more traditional (or those who seem traditional), who go to church (although the Black church is not necessarily a positive & is therefore something that I don't require)....the women who you wouldn't believe would like these men. MANY OF THEM ACTUALLY DO. I have seen it too many times. The influence of this culture is spreading into every nook and cranny...even into parts of the culture that you wouldn't expect it to. Please don't tell me about the "good girls". Those are some of the worst offenders. NOT ALL... BUT QUITE A FEW. <BR/><BR/>I would say that women like Shecodes are actually a minority among Black women.<BR/><BR/>I make these posts because I want to see the Shecode's and the Gina's back in the forefront. Although you are a minority, who says that you should be a silent minority? Back in the 60's and 70's, (and much of the 80's it seemed), the Claire Huxtables were leading the way for Black folks in terms of the Black image. That has since given way to something that is just God awful.<BR/><BR/>Get mad and take back your place in front. <BR/><BR/>Hell, that's why no one can find you....or they don't believe you exist (in significant numbers). Because you have given your front row seat to someone else... or you have allowed that seat to be taken from you. <BR/><BR/>I'm still waiting for you all to take back your position. Taking back your position will require you to put your blinders away, and start challenging other Black women.... that taboo thing that no one seems to want to touch from a mile away. So far, you all seem to be putting a lot of effort into making excuses for other Black women... protecting other Black women (when you know they are messing up...and are running Counter to what you are trying to do).... STOP DOING THAT. It drives me crazy.<BR/><BR/>What will be the image of Black women that your children and grandchildren see? The answer to that question is up to Black women like yourselves. <BR/><BR/>The other half or 2/3rds of Black women have already made their decision... they have decided that the image will be Beyonce, Christina Milian,etc and the celebration of thug culture, valueless lifestyles, out of wedlock birth and child rearing, education not seen as valued or important....etc etc etc etc all the pathologies we see in the degenerate Black culture today... the problem will only intensify. Within 5 years or so, I think sex acts on school grounds in urban America will probably be the norm.... drugs too. When you look at White schools in Suburbia, do you see mini-prison facilities with metal detectors & armed guards? No... that's because there is a different value system at work (and yes...all those other things like funds are an issue... but that's no longer the main issue anymore...its about the degenerate Black culture. No one wants to admit it).<BR/><BR/>But to conclude what I was saying....it is up to you to either reverse that decision... or at least fight like Hell to make sure that those women are not the only images that America see's (including your grandchildren).Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-38478326629529839602008-05-26T13:39:00.000-07:002008-05-26T13:39:00.000-07:00Sandra & BlackwomenblowthetrumpetIt is obvious tha...Sandra & Blackwomenblowthetrumpet<BR/><BR/>It is obvious that you didn't read the post or the earlier comments.<BR/><BR/>I'll cover it again...<BR/><BR/>I made clear that I was not referring to "all" Black women.Brian https://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.com