tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post4968644947582541781..comments2023-10-28T03:07:12.758-07:00Comments on Mirror On America: Clutch Magazine Piece on Marriage Puts Emphasis on The SuperficialBrian http://www.blogger.com/profile/07872444863142531165noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-83198475227743497792012-07-14T03:42:34.469-07:002012-07-14T03:42:34.469-07:00Well, these are the origins of marriage ( support,...Well, these are the origins of marriage ( support, alliances etc) . The whole "love" notion is just a sell job. Marriages started out as being arranged, you may remember. We are then hypnotized into believing certain myths but most people just take an imprint that this is a natural outgrowth of "love" and don't give any thought whatsoever to the institution or its actual function.<br />Many men want to possess and dominate ("Own") women and marriage is a way ( to them) of staking their claim and warning others off. They marry out of fear ( if I don't do this she will find someone better)even though they know that marriage is no guarantee that they will be able to sustain all this .<br />Assuming that there is equal bargaining power,there are reasons to get married beyond love, such as tax advantages in certain circumstances in the US. Absent these, there would be fewer marriages I think.<br />This does not mean that individual cases may not vary. I have known people in love who live together ( or in separate houses) who never think of marrying and I know people who think that once they have found the "magic person" that is what one must do ( marry) and all types in between ,including those who "settle" and those who marry without thinking whether it is right for them. And we are all socialized to believe this ( a song lyric in an old pop song contained the words "every man must marry"- really? - boy we know that's not true now- and if every man doesn't have to marry, what then? -interesting to ponder)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21083673.post-44096148956345442712012-07-13T12:45:45.221-07:002012-07-13T12:45:45.221-07:00I think you misread Danielle's take on the Tim...I think you misread Danielle's take on the Time v. Wall St. Journal pieces. Her article was mostly a response to what she read from these news sources. What they are saying is that divorce rates are going down for people who are well educated and race doesn't matter. <br /><br />Education in any part of the world gives women more choices. Being financially secure means women can take care of themselves. A financially secure couple with a good education and good jobs will undoubtedly fight less about money than couples who are less educated and have less money. <br /><br />Education is the key to marital bliss, not just love. As an older woman, I know that love is nice, but it doesn't put food on the table or a roof over my head. I have a Ph.D., so I don't need to be married. That is empowering for me. I am married because my husband respects me, my intelligence, and ability to rely on myself. He doesn't want a traditional marriage with a woman who leans on him for everything. That's why we work. <br /><br />If you have to ask why women are marrying men (for the man, job title, or money), you should also be asking why men marry women. Men get a lot of added benefits and more free time when they marry, because they get someone who takes care of them--cooks, cleans, does laundry, etc. I wish I had a wife!! And if their wife works, she has a double shift t work when she comes home from her paying job to her unpaying job.<br /><br />If you want a traditional old-fashioned marriage, then marry someone who only has a high school degree. That is what this research is saying basically. People who are more highly educated enter relationships with a different set of expectations. <br /><br />If you marry someone less educated, then she'll love you because she NEEDS you. Yes, there are still plenty of women without degrees who would love to have a man take care of them, and there is nothing wrong with that. But women with an education have a choice now and are refusing to settle for falling into gender roles in traditional marriages, because we don't have to do that anymore. We, too, have a choice to remain single if we want. <br />ElizabethAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com